


I Want To Be Much More Like You

by MiaInAction



Category: Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Fix It Fic, Gen, M/M, Marijuana, Men Crying, Piercings, Scars, Skating, Slow Burn, Song fic, Tattoos, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24817267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaInAction/pseuds/MiaInAction
Summary: High School AU where the Drifters are all in Seattle.Sean and Finn meet by accident and start to become friends.Song is by The White Stripes
Relationships: Sean Diaz & Finn, Sean Diaz & Lyla Park, Sean Diaz/Finn
Comments: 7
Kudos: 24





	1. We're Going To Be Friends

**Author's Note:**

> One Drive link to the House and characters.  
> My Sim Finn is not as accurate as I would like. Mods and Cheats have been used as well as multiple expansion packs  
> https://1drv.ms/u/s!AlQz-zJGXaS80w_5MV_Ox6Q06AJa?e=RkoYZz

_Fall is here, hear the yell_

_Back to school, ring the bell_

_Brand new shoes, walking blues_

_Climb the fence, books and pens_

_I can tell that we are going to be friends_

_I can tell that we are going to be friends_

Sean did alright in school he wasn’t the best at math but he was good with his other subjects he had friends he was head of the track team only thing missing was the romance and he’d be living that perfect high school life. He’d asked Jenn to tutor him in math she was cute and seemed to like him too but the sparks hadn’t exactly flown or anything so he decided better to just stay friends she’d started dating Derek since, they made a cute couple in Sean’s eyes but Lyla didn’t think they were going to work out.

He closed his locker and started walking down the hall to class his phone rang opening it to a text from Lyla “Still on for the skatepark later?” He was texting back when he ended up walking into someone.

Looking up from his phone he went to apologise and choked on his words looking at the guy in front of him he recognised Finn everyone knew who he was how could you not he didn’t exactly blend in with the crowd his reputation as a bit of a bad influence and a player didn’t help. He had 3 triangles under his right eye a stripe down his chin, scar on the bridge of his nose a septum ring, a lip ring that lined up with his tattoo, both of his ears had piercings up and down them his hair was a pixie bob long in the front and dyed a light blue the same colour as the many tattoos on his arms the back was short and coppery, he wore necklaces, bracelets and rings along with patchwork jeans and a denim vest covered in patches and badges.

“Y’all right there?” Finn spoke after Sean still hadn’t said anything for a while.

“Yeah sorry I didn’t mean to crash into you sorry Finn”

_(Shit we’ve never even met and you’ve already stuck your foot in it)_

“Wait do we know each other?”

“Spanish class” _(But everyone knows who you are)_

“Well you have me at a disadvantage, you know my name but I don’t know yours”

Finn flashed a smile then showing off a missing tooth it made Sean’s heart flutter and he only then realised how close he was standing to him he took a step back trying to get to a reasonable distance.

“Oh, um I’m Sean Diaz”

“Well it’s nice to meet you Sean Diaz, so how is your Spanish?”

“Soy el mejor de la clase, así que podrías decir que soy fluido”

“Yeah, I got like none of that, fancy giving me lessons?”

“Sure, man I got you”

“Could I get your number so I can arrange a study session?”

Finn reached into his back pocket then and pulled out his phone unlocking the screen before handing it to Sean who hadn’t even answered the question yet

“Oh yeah here it is”

He typed in the number and handed it back leaving the name blank for Finn to fill in.

“I have to get to class but it was nice meeting you.”

“You too sweetie”

Finn grabbed Sean's left shoulder then and brought him in for a brief one-armed hug before separating, and heading off in opposite directions.

Sean tried to fight down the blush that threatened to creep onto his cheeks.

_(Seriously dude you’re such a loser blushing from a hug and being called Sweetie; he probably does that to everyone)_

His phone went off again he’d been holding it the entire time but only now remembered it opening it to see a new text.

“Dude where did you go? I saw you typing then you vanished”

Fuck he’d forgotten about Lyla, not wanting to risk walking into someone again he stopped and leant against the wall.

“Talk after class something happened, I’ll meet you outside”

At this rate he was going to be late for his next class it was Math he hated the subject but at least he had friends there and Jenn's lessons actually had been helping she knew her stuff, he took his seat beside her and started taking out his items for the class switching his phone to silent, Lyla was in a different math class and was sure to be texting him wanting to know what was going on.

Class boring same as always the numbers not wanting to make sense to him it wasn’t as bad as before the tutoring sessions but definitely still room in improve, mostly he was distracted he’d given the school “Bad Boy” his phone number and gotten called Sweetie too, the number was for Spanish lessons sure but the nickname was making him think maybe it had all been an elaborate prank or something. As soon as the bell rang Sean was so eager to talk to Lyla that he nearly sprinted to the front doors before he heard her calling him from the doorway of the math room, he turned on his heel and walked back to her.

“Where you off to in such a rush?”

The two of them started walking then ready to go home.

“To find you, I thought you’d be outside already”

“You weren’t checking your phone, were you?”

“Uh no I was in class”

“That hasn’t stopped you before” She nudged his shoulder with hers then

They reached the double doors and opened them heading out into the front of the school and down the steps. 

“So, what happened you have to tell me everything”

“Um you know Finn?”

“Skinny guy, blue ginger hair, piercings, tattoos? Duh everyone knows him”

Sean leant against the wall at the bottom of the steps the plaque announced Peacock High School. Lyla followed suit lighting up a cigarette they should have time before the bus and her Mom or Momster as she called her would kill if she caught her smoking at home.

“I kinda gave him my number” Lyla gasped “It’s no big deal he just needs a Spanish tutor but he called me Sweetie and gave me a hug”

“Dude I think he likes you”

“Ha I doubt it I mean have you seen me I’m no one special just Sean”

He gestured to himself then his short black hair the fringe nearly touching his eyebrows, his light brown eyes the two moles on his right cheek bone, his tanned skin and slim frame. He couldn’t see himself as attractive even if others did low self-esteem was shit.

“Did you get his number want me to text him for you?”

“Fuck. You know I didn’t”

He facepalmed then, he’d come out not too long ago but only to close friends and family he didn’t feel the need to announce it to everyone, his Dad had bought him a Bi pride bracelet which he wore everyday but most people didn’t know what it stood for which meant a lot of his friends still didn’t know. Lyla knew though she was the first person he’d spoken to about it when he started questioning his sexuality and again when he decided to come out to his parents Dad in person and Mom over one of their weekly video calls.

So, Lyla knew his type and knew that Finn was exactly it, he didn’t have much time to dwell on it though before she was speaking again.

“Well looks like now's your chance to get it”

“What you talking about?”

He looked up then to see Finn wave goodbye to his group of friends and start walking in their direction he didn’t know all of their names but he knew them to see; all tatted up, pierced alternative clothing and hairstyles.

“Fuck he’s walking over what do I do?”

“Act normal you idiot”

“Yeah, yeah normal got it”

Sean went to sit down on the wall he’d been leaning against pushing himself up with the palms of his hands until he hovered just above the top of the wall before sitting back down and pushing back against the brick the rough surface dug into his hands but it was only for a second.

Finn reached them then.

“Hey so I forgot to give you this earlier”

Sean was dumbstruck then as he reached out a hand and held a folded piece of paper of in it. He reached out to take it and Finn closed Sean's fingers over it then. Again, the urge to blush was intense despite the innocent contact Finn just seemed to bring it out in him, he was everything that Sean wasn’t confident, cool in that I don’t care what people think of me way unlike his own cool but desperate to fit in way, out and proud.

Finn let go of his hand then and suddenly his hand felt much too cold when just before it felt much too hot and he was afraid of sweating under the touch. Sean opened his hand up to look at the paper he’d been given inside was a phone number and Call me Sweetie written underneath it.

“Oh thanks”

Lyla spoke up then stubbing her cigarette out on the wall beside Sean as he took out his phone to add Finns number.

“I’m Lyla by the way since this one didn’t bother to introduce me”

She elbowed him then right in the ribs his phone held in his hand's elbows resting against his thighs.

“I’m Finn sorry I should have said sooner”

“We’re good dude don’t worry about it”

Sean slid his phone back into his pocket and looked up just in time to see the school bus pull away.

“Fuck Lyla we missed the bus”

“Shit Moms gonna kill me”

Lyla put her face in her hands then and Sean reached over and rubbed her back gently trying to ease some of the tension she was feeling.

“Do you guys need a ride?”

Finn asked helpfully, fishing keys out of his pocket.

“I don’t want to be a bother”

“Speak for yourself man we got plans tonight if I’m home late I’m gonna have to cancel”

“Ok well I guess we’re taking the ride then”

Sean pushed himself back up from the wall and stood up then.

“Follow me mi amigos, see I know some Spanish”

Finn laughed a little there before showing them to the car it was a 99 Chevrolet s10 with a faded red paint job.

“Sorry it’s a bit of a mess keep putting off cleaning it”

Finn unlocked the car then and opened the door. Getting in first. Lyla usually called shotgun but didn’t this time.

“You take the front you guys are vibing”

She said it quietly so that Finn wouldn’t hear despite him already being sat behind the wheel and them still standing beside the car after throwing their backpacks into the large trailer.

“You’re the best Lyla thanks”

“You owe me, I hate the back of cars”

Sean walked around to the front of the car and opened the passenger side door noting the junk on the back seat he really did owe Lyla, he looked behind his shoulder to watch her get in she grimaced as she pushed aside an old pizza box, takeaway burger boxes and empty sodas, that had been stacked on the side. It seemed like he really had forgotten to empty out the car and that it wasn’t just some excuse.

Lyla pulled out her phone and headphones and put them in giving Sean and Finn some privacy to talk on the drive home.

“So, where we heading?”

“Do you know how to get to Lewis avenue?”

“Yeah I think so might need some directions though”

“Ok can do”

Sean had a look around the front of the car other than the mess it was well loved little knickknacks here and there. On the mirror hung a skull shaped Air Freshener, there was a picture tucked into the sun visor that looked to be of Finns family, another of him and his friends. There was a book on the dash board the bookmark sticking out of the top of it indicated that he was about halfway through reading it, not for the first time by the look of it either it seemed to be a well worn copy of Lord of the Flies.

“Got some CDs in the glovebox if you want to put on some tunes”

Sean opened it up and was met with a stack of CDs, a lighter, rolling papers, a tobacco pouch with several drawings on it, a box of condoms and some snacks that were trying to spill out of the open door, he pulled out the stack of CDs to have a look through them.

Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, Trouble, Gorillaz, Rage Against the Machine, Abba.

The last one seemed strangely out of place by comparison before Sean could even ask Finn had already said “It’s my Moms favourite album” Sean pulled the Gorillaz album out the stack and opened up the box Demon Days it wasn’t his favourite of their albums but it was a great one he put it into the CD player and the first track came on as he closed the box and put the CDs back into the glovebox.

“Great choice man”

“Thanks, I love the Gorillaz”

“You’ve got good taste”

Finn said as the Intro track played it was definitely the weakest song on the album at least as far as Sean was concerned but it ended soon and The Last Living Souls began to play he watched as Finn drummed his fingers against the steering wheel as they reversed out of the parking lot to head back home.

“Left, or Right?”

“Take a left”

“So, when suits you for that first Spanish lesson?”

“I work Saturdays and I have track after school Tuesdays and Thursdays, but any other day suits me”

“Aight that suits me does Sunday work for you?”

“Yeah that works just fine for me, do you want to hang out at mine?”

Sean could almost hear Lyla thinking “You thirsty bitch” and was certain she was burning holes into the back of his head through the seat rest.

“Fuckin A”

Well it looked like Finn appreciated the eagerness anyway what with his reaction.

“I mean you’ll know where I live after today, oh take a right here. Plus, I don’t drive yet so it’s easier if you come to me.”

“It’s a date sweetie when do you want me to come over?”

Again, with the trying not to blush.

“Does 3pm suit you?”

“Yeah that’s perfect for me looking forward to it. Nice bracelet by the way”

“Thanks, my Dad got it for me...” _(Don’t be so shy come on he’s not going to judge you he’s Bi too)_ “After I came out. Most people don’t realise what it is but I guess you recognise it since your Bi too” _(I hope that didn’t sound bad or presumptuous)_

“I’m not bi dude”

“Oh, fuck I just assumed since you know, rumours I’m sorry”

“Naw don’t be sweetie I see people not gender so I’d call myself Pansexual if anything but ugh I’m not big on labels my dude”

“So, any truth to the rumours then?” He laughed a little nervously “Oh turn left here”

“Depends on what you heard?”

Lyla was thankfully still quiet in the back he half expected the music to be paused and for her to be eavesdropping but at least she hadn’t interrupted

“Shit man I don’t want to repeat them some were awful”

“Look I’ve heard all of them most are bullshit a couple are true. Yeah, I was seeing a college student Hannah for a little while but she decided I was too young she’s with my brother now, I also dated my friend Penny for a few months until he met his boyfriend Jinx honestly couldn’t be happier for them, they’re really happy together. I even know about the rumour that I started an orgy in the gym room no fucking idea where that one came from though”

“Fuck I hadn’t heard that one, that’s horrible man.”

“It’s alright I got a thick skin, but yeah people see this" He took a hand-off the wheel to gesture up and down at his face and torso “Then they hear about my…” He trailed off before continuing “And they just assume I’m a bad guy”.

“I know the feeling people can fucking suck sometimes”

The atmosphere in the car seemed to have changed then it was sullen and intense in a way they seemed closer and further apart Sean couldn’t relate to those types of rumours but he’d had his own fair share of abuse racism was an ever-present reality unfortunately and it had only gotten worse in the last few years.

O Green World finished and the CD played the next song Dirty Harry Sean ended up singing along to it Finn laughed a little at him before he joined in Sean’s singing was off key and out of tune but he sang along anyway he stopped as soon as the rapping started he couldn’t do that bit he’d tried a few times he always ended up tripping over the words but Finn was surprisingly good at it rapping along with ease.

The tension in the car seemed to resolve itself then, just as they rounded the corner on to his street.

“That’s me over there”

Lyla finally spoke up pointing out of the window to her own house. Finn stopped the car outside of her house then

“Thanks for the ride seriously you’re the best”

“Happy to help any time” Came Finns cheery reply.

Sean watched her get out of the car walk around to the side, grab her backpack from the back of the truck, walk to her house and give a wave to them both before going inside.

“I live just across the street so I guess I should probably go” Honestly Sean was reluctant to leave this was nice the two of them talking, singing and laughing together it was easy and comfortable. “Um we’re going to the skate park after this you could come with if you like?”

“That’d be great. Sure, you’re not just asking cos I’ve got a car though?”

“It’s not the only reason” He chuckled then. “Want to come in?”

Finn considered it for a minute then weighing up the pros and cons before deciding that’d he’d wait in the truck in case Lyla came back out. “You go ahead I’ll stay here”

Sean got out of the car and grabbed his bag before crossing the street to his house he opened the door but didn’t see anyone at first.

“Dad I’m home”

“In the garage be right up”

He went to his room and dropped his school bag on the floor beside his bed grabbing his skateboard and helmet he walked back to the kitchen holding it under his arm he got there just as his Dad came up the stairs into the small office off of the kitchen.

“You’re home early”

“Yeah missed the bus so me and Lyla got a ride home from a friend, where’s Daniel?”

“Over at Noah's who’s the friend?”

“You don’t know him, but he’s called Finn I’m going to be tutoring him in Spanish is it ok if he comes over on Sunday for a lesson?”

“That’s fine do you need me to drive the two of you to the skatepark?”

“No, I’m good he’s gonna take us there he’s parked outside Lyla’s now”

“Great gives me a chance to meet him before Sunday see what he’d like for dinner”

Sean looked to his feet for a moment then what if Dad didn’t like him or got mad, he’d gotten a lift home from someone who was pretty much a stranger, it was Lyla's idea though at least he could say that if he did get in trouble. Sean readjusted the board under his arm before heading back to the pickup truck Esteban following behind him. Lyla was already sitting back in the car chatting away to Finn who was smoking.

Sean put his board and helmet in the back of the truck before opening the door he stuck his head in the car but didn’t get in the cd was still playing.

“My Dad wants to talk to you”

“Shit what’d I do?” Finn actually sounded concerned there but he got out of the car regardless stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray beforehand. Sean stepped back out of the car and stood beside his Dad leaving Lyla in the passenger seat.

“You must be Finn nice to meet you”

Esteban’s hand was out stretched ready for Finn to shake it Finn looked at it for a moment as if it was a coiled snake ready to attack him but he took it anyway the handshake was firm and friendly, Esteban looked him up and down when he let go of his hand though.

“Yeah I’m Finn pleasure to meet you Mr Diaz”

Sean could see the gears turning in both of their heads Dad wondering what to make of this punk kid in front of him with his tattoos, piercings, blue hair and alternative clothing. Finn looking uncomfortable trying to make a good first impression he scrunched up his brow as if he was trying to think of something to say the way it crinkled the bridge of his nose was adorable and Sean knew he’d be drawing it out later. Esteban spoke before Finn said whatever it was that he had been thinking of saying.

“What time should we expect you on Sunday?”

“Is 3 o clock alright with you?”

“Perfect will you be staying for dinner?”

“That’d be great thank you”

“Anything you don’t eat?”

“Nope if it’s edible I’ll eat it”

He chewed on his lip ring then slightly. Sean wondered if it was something, he even knew he did the act seemed subconscious.

“Alright well you three have fun, Sean be back for 6 okay?”

“Sure, Dad see you later” He went to get in the car

“I think your forgetting something Mijo”

Sean turned back around and gave his Dad the hug he was fishing for it was brief but loving, by the time they separated Finn was already back in the driver's seat and pulling the seat belt on. Sean opened the back door and slid into the seat belting up as he waved goodbye to his Dad.

The drive to the skatepark was shorter than the drive to home Lyla and Finn chatted in the front while Sean was in the back he spoke occasionally when he had something to say, but mostly he was just jealous that he didn’t have Finns attention all to himself. When they got to the skate park Lyla grabbed her board and ran to the ramps ready to skate.

“You gonna stay or head back home?” He asked, Finn turned his head round to look at him his blue hair falling over his left eye he reached up and brushed it behind his ear before speaking.

“I got nowhere else to be might as well hang here for a bit could be fun to watch”

Sean picked up his board and went to join Lyla Finn hung back for a second Sean looked behind him when he didn’t hear footsteps he was on the phone he couldn’t hear the conversation but he was frowning Sean reached the ramps and began to skate he didn’t know how long it had been when he saw Finn again sitting on one of the benches and smoking it didn’t look like watching was as much fun as he hoped it would be Sean came to rest at the top of the ramp and headed over board tucked under his arm. He sat down beside Finn and placed the skateboard at his feet.

“Having fun?”

“Yeah, I could show you if you like?”

Finn looked hesitant for a moment before he stood up and stubbed out the last of his cigarette on the bin nearby.

“So show me how to do this”

“Oh yeah sure” Sean took his helmet off then “Safety first” he tried to make it sound like a joke but he felt like a nerd regardless. Finn put it on with a sigh.

“Aww your not gonna like me with helmet hair” he pouted exaggeratedly Sean wanted to kiss those full lips he looked away instead as Finn brushed his long hair back with his hand put on the helmet then stood on the board neither trusting him on more than the flat surface of the park, ramps would definitely have to wait.

“Ok you steady?”

“Yeah I think so”

“Alright put your feet like this” Finn mirrored the action

“Now what?”

“Alright kick off with whichever foot you prefer, yeah just like that” 

Finn wasn’t too bad at it for a first time he seemed to be getting the hang of it easy enough until he didn’t, he kicked off once too quick and the board shot out from under him thankfully Sean was close by to catch him.

Finn’s arms flung out to his sides to try and steady himself, Sean already had his arms underneath his armpits so when he fell his back crashed into his chest seconds passed until he stood up fully, back sliding against Sean’s chest slightly dazed from what happened, Sean had the air knocked out of his lungs not just from the impact. Finn took a moment to right himself before pulling away and standing up straight Sean’s fingers lingered on his arm slightly longer than was strictly necessary.

“You ok?” He asked breathless as Finn turned around to face him

“Yeah man I’m good, but I think I’ll let the pros get back to it” 

“Nah I’m tired gonna take a break”

It was a blatant lie but Finn had seemed really sad after his call earlier he didn’t want to leave him alone, Sean walked over to where his board had rolled off too and grabbed it up walking back to the bench that Finn was sitting on he could see Lyla having fun she’d barely even noticed his absence, he didn’t mind not really she got into the zone like that sometimes.

Sean went to sit down beside Finn who was leaning forward elbows resting on his knees and his face in his palms long fingers just under his eyes, he looked pretty more delicate than the clothing and piercings would suggest he sighed mournfully Sean heard it more than saw he wasn’t even sat yet, taking his seat beside him he ran his fingers through his hair it was longer than he usually let it get he’d need it cut soon, he interlocked his fingers behind his head and leant against the back of the bench.

Finn reached up and unclasped the helmet then, putting it on the bench beside him, the shorter parts of his hair stuck out in all directions but the long parts had fallen over his eyes he hooked the thumb of each hand behind the strands of blue hair and tucked them behind his ears. He took out his phone then to check himself in the screen.

“See told you helmet hair” He said as he shoved his phone back in his pocket.

“Still looks good though”

“So, Lyla what’s the deal there?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know are you two together or something?”

_(Shit he must like her not me. I was right he was just being friendly)_

“Oh no we’re not together just friends” Sean hoped he didn’t sound too disappointed. He didn’t want to be with Lyla she was like a sister to him, but maybe Finn wanted to ask her out or something and he didn’t want that to be true.

“Cool, cool”

The reply was nonchalant guarded even he reached up and twiddled a strand of hair between two fingers Sean watched captivated as he looped it over one ringed finger and under another passing the strand back and forth between them over and under in one fluid motion he didn’t even seem to realise he was doing it.

“So, you said you have a brother is it just him?” He didn’t know what to say and the silence was deafening now when earlier it had been so comfortable. Finn dropped the strand and looked up he seemed in a daze when he answered.

“Oh, huh no I got two other ones, Kens the oldest then John and Scott are the same age an I’m the baby”

“So, John and Scott are twins?”

“Nope just less than a year apart, what about you any siblings?”

“Daniel he’s 9, I guess you’ll meet him on Sunday”

“S’pose so, your Dad seems nice”

“Thanks”

Finn still seemed tense he’d stop playing with his hair but now he was chewing on his lip ring, they barely knew each other asking what’s wrong felt like it would be intruding in some way. Finn took his phone out and checked the time.

“Fuck I gotta go. I’m not sure if I can take you back home or not shit, I’m sorry”

“It’s alright man I can skate home don’t worry about it”

“Look I am really sorry honest. It was nice hanging with you” He started walking away then waving goodbye with both hands. Sean watched him go he saw Lyla skate too the top of a ramp and come over to him.

“Where’s he going I thought he was our ride?”

“He had to go; you could always run after him if you want?”

She checked her watch then

“Nah I got time; we can chill for a bit if you want to?”

“Sure whatever you like”

She saw right through his attempt at being nonchalant.

“Alright spill what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know why I even try and hide things from you anymore.”

“So what’s going on?”

“Finn seemed really freaked out since we got here and then he took off so quick, I’m worried”

“I’m sure it’s nothing maybe he lost track of time or something”

“Yeah maybe I dunno didn’t seem that way though, I’m probably reading into it too much like normal.”

“Try not to dwell on it”

“Yeah you’re right. Think I’m gonna head home”

“Come on dude, you barely even skated, just ran off to be with Finn”

“Fiiiine you win but I’m gonna have to leave sooner than we planned too since there’s no one to drive us home now”

“Fuck yes come on dude lets hit the ramps 20 minutes then we’ll go”

Sean stood pulling the discarded helmet back onto his head, not failing to notice the strands of blue hair that were still there, he smiled sadly.

_(Ok, ok skate for 20 minutes with Lyla, get home and study try not to think about what’s wrong with the cute boy you hardly know.)_

Sean got home just as dinner was being dished up.

“I thought you were getting driven home mijo”

“Yeah me too but he had to go”

“Ok eat up, and don’t forget about your homework”

“I know Dad”

The food was bland in his mouth he chewed and swallowed without really tasting it, Dad took him eating quickly as him enjoying the meal but he just wanted it to be over, he kept thinking of how much fun their time together was, how nice holding him even for just those few moments had been and the sad look on his face when he had to go as if he was going to be disappointed in him. Homework was easy enough even with his mind wandering and being distracted. He took his phone compiled a message deleted it started again deleted it again then just closed it, he could wait till Sunday.


	2. Bruise Pristine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High School AU where the Drifters are in Seattle  
> This is told from Finns point of view. Chapter deals a lot with his past and why he was so upset after that call.  
> Song is by Placebo  
> One Drive link to the House and characters.  
> My Sim Finn is not as accurate as I would like. Mods and Cheats have been used as well as multiple expansion packs  
> https://1drv.ms/u/s!AlQz-zJGXaS80w_5MV_Ox6Q06AJa?e=RkoYZz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is blood and broken bones mentioned several times in this I apologise if that is a trigger for anyone.  
> I have Sims versions of all of Finn's appearance in this AU all the ocs and the house if people are interested I will share the screen shots

_The means are right for taking_

_Fade to gray_

_Trying to be ruthless_

_In the face of beauty_

_In this matrix_

_It's plain to see_

_It's either you or me_

  
As soon as he got to the skatepark his mobile had rang Momma flashing up on the screen he hung back letting Sean walk ahead his fingers shook as he answered the call. 

_Good news please, please be good news come on man don’t fuck us again_

“Hey Momma how’d it go?” 

Her shudder for breath was all the answer he needed, but he listened anyway. 

“He’s not coming home” She sobbed 

The chance of early release for Dad was slim he knew it; his brothers knew it too but every single year Mom got her hopes up and every year she was let down and disappointed. It was worse this year though it was his 10th year in Prison, Mom had planned a welcome home party for the whole family, all of his brothers, his nieces and sister in law were going to be there, unless she cancelled now. 

“I’m sorry Momma I know you were really hoping it’d happen this year” 

If he was honest with himself he was thankful that his Dad wouldn’t be getting out of prison yet, about the only good thing he ever did as a parent was put his name forward along with Big Joe and Merrill in order to protect his boys, honestly if Mom hadn’t been there to put her sons first Finn was convinced that Dad would have ratted him Ken John and Scott out instead so he could walk along with Big Joe and Merrill, in another life he’d have likely gone to prison his bros would still be behind bars and he’d have probably done even more stupid illegal shit than he already did, shoplifting cigarettes, booze or the odd accessory hardly seemed a crime considering what he did growing up. 

“Your brothers and nieces will be over later Hannah and Lorrie too.” 

“You’re still throwing a party?” 

He was confused as far as he was concerned at least another year without dear old Dad was a reason to celebrate reflect on how far they had come since then. Ken and Lorrie had gotten married as soon as they could when they found out she was pregnant, he cleaned up his act no more fighting or crimes he wanted to be a good Dad for the twins Kendra and Leah he changed to online courses so she could finish school and get into business like she’d always wanted to. John was working with computers Finn wasn’t sure exactly what it was he did didn’t know if it was legal either but he was happy most importantly, Scott had gotten into DJing of all things it kind of made sense considering how much he loved parties, Hannah and him had been together for almost a year or so now. 

“Yeah if we can’t celebrate, we can commiserate, will you be home soon?” 

“Not for a while, I kind of made plans” 

“But Finn you knew what today was” 

“Yeah and maybe that’s why I didn’t want to come home, I’ve gone ten years without him messing up my life and I don’t want to start now I know you miss him but I don’t” 

He spoke angrily his Dad getting locked up was the best god damn thing that ever happened to him and his brothers but he still regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, she was silent for a moment waiting to see if he was finished patient as ever even though he didn’t deserve it. 

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that I’ll be home soon” 

“No son take your time try and have fun it’ll give you time to cool down, we can talk about it later” 

“Yeah I’ll, I’ll call you when I’m on the way home” 

“Love you” 

“See you later” 

He didn’t say it back when usually he would, he hung up the call and shoved his phone back into his pocket. 

_Fuck that’s the last thing I wanted to do today_

Even before it was just the two of them Finn and Lily had been close, they read together, she enabled his creative side and she always had his back when his Father was in the picture, Lily was a carefree spirit so long as her sons were happy that’s all she wanted she didn’t care how that happiness came about or who with, he’d been looking forward to telling her that he’d finally spoken to the cute boy from Spanish class with the shy smile and two moles on his cheek that moved up when he laughed, a good boy from a good family definitely out of his league, but that was ok maybe just being in proximity could make him a better person or something. 

Finn opened the car door, at some point he’d pressed his back to it during the short phone call he leant over the driver's seat to the passenger's side and opened up the glove box he reached inside took out the tobacco pouch and only then noticed the half empty box of condoms, fuck Sean had opened the glovebox to get out CDs did he see them if so what did he think, that he was just some horned up fuckboy did he imagine him taking men and women in the back of his truck it weren’t like that really, it'd been a while since him and Hans had stopped hooking up and she ended up with Scott he hadn’t been with anyone it’d been almost 6 months Cass kept joking about his dry spell but he was trying to turn over a new leaf. 

He’d be 18 in April he wanted to actually graduate next year he’d been held back his own fault he honestly couldn’t make himself care sex weed and getting drunk at parties had been much more important to him and as much as he loved his Momma her free spiritedness didn’t exactly help to reign him in and she didn’t seem to understand the concept of discipline any other parent would go crazy if their son walked in at 16 with tattoos on his face after using a fake id but she just said they were nice and told him how to take care of them she’d done the same with his piercings at 14,she even pierced his ears for him at 8 when he’d kept asking for one like everyone else, it kind of started his love affair with piercings. Now a days he had 3 piercings in his left ear 2 in his right, septum piercing, lip ring, nipple bars and he’d been planning on a Prince Albert at 18 ever since his ID got confiscated he didn’t want to risk it but no one asked for it when he went to buy booze or smokes perks of being pierced and tatted they just assumed he was an adult despite his shorter than average height, skinny frame slumped shoulders and half blue hair. 

He grabbed the tobacco pouch and opened it up, inside there were rolling papers, filters tobacco and a small zip lock baggy with weed in it he’d love a joint but he never smoked and drove he was reckless sure but not insane, at the bottom of the pouch were a few cigarettes from his last box that he’d put in there he took one out and closed up the pouch leaving it back in the glove box and closing its door before sliding back across the seat and shutting the car door, he locked it even though he didn’t think anyone was likely to break in or try and steal his truck as much as he loved it, it wasn’t exactly new or going to win any beauty contests. 

He looked out over the skate park Sean looked to be having fun he had an easy grin on his face it was the most he’d ever seen him smile other than when he was laughing at something one of his friends had told him he’d only learnt Lyla’s name today he had no idea what the rest of his friends were called, he wanted to though he really liked Sean he’d been checking him out for weeks usually he’d just walk on over and ask him out but he had no idea if he even liked guys and he was really trying to be good and focus on his studies more, bumping into him today had felt like something out of one of his Moms cheesy rom coms that she loved so much even down to his feigning ignorance but it had worked out somehow, Sean had given him his number for Spanish tutoring he reminded himself nothing more, _even if he is bi doesn’t mean he’s interested plus_ _gotta_ _focus this year become a senio_ _r_ it was bad enough that all of his friends were a year ahead of him or already out of High School he didn’t want to get held back another year. 

He looked over at Sean again the way he moved on the board care free and effortless as if he didn’t even have to think about what to do next it was oddly graceful watching him move going up and down the ramps doing tricks with ease. He could watch him like that for hours so at peace and happy he tore his eyes away remembering what he was going to do. 

Lighting up his cigarette he dragged on it appreciating the burn in his throat the way the smoke filled his lungs the heat in his moth as he inhaled and through his nose when he exhaled he knew he should stop for his health the images of blackened atrophied lungs flashed in his mind for a second then went away with a shake of his head, bad for the body but good for the soul at least, he could feel his stress melt away his shoulders sag with relief even after the first inhale he sat on the bench on the far side of the skatepark it overlooked the ramps he could watch Sean and Lyla from here there was a bin to his side for when he was done no need to add littering, or accidental fire to his list of failings today he wished he’d brought his knife with him he’d carve his initials in the wood of the park bench maybe even +SD for good measure even if that was pushing his luck. 

That knife was one of the good or bad things that his Dad had taught him he’d gotten the knife for his 7th birthday and taught him how to throw it at a target _who thinks that’s a good birthday present for a 7 year old and of course Mom didn’t say anything about it_ because Finn was smiling he had his own knife just like his big bros his Dad and Uncles Joe and Merrill not real Uncles but they’d always been there so Dad had said to call them that even though they weren’t really family they were family, or had been till his Dad had narked on them hoping for a reduced sentence which of course back fired miserably he was the ring leader he was in charge he went away for longer but at least his boys and Lily were safe. _Yeah great thinking Dad you’re behind bars and we had to struggle for money and learning that normal people don’t just walk into a shop say a few words to the person behind the counter and walk out with what they want for free because you got_ _em_ _those sweet new parts for the car they wanted. Fuck you Dad fuck you very,_ _very_ _much glad you’re still in there and we’re out here._

He took a long drag on his cigarette stuck both middle fingers to the sky and tilted his head back looking at the clouds as he exhaled he dropped his hands back down to his knees and looked over to the ramps he couldn’t see Sean any more he must have gone somewhere he didn’t think much of it as he felt someone sit down beside him. He turned to see Sean sitting beside him board under his feet he hoped that he didn’t look too glum didn’t want to bring him down. He tried to paint a smile on his face as he let the cigarette rest between his lips. 

“Having fun?” 

He wanted to add sweetie he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t noticed the cute little blush he made when he called him that earlier it suited him that pretty pink flushing his cheeks but he was afraid he’d already come on to strong and that maybe he was dating Lyla best not to push his luck any further. 

“Yeah I could show you if you like?” 

He’d never even held a skateboard let alone stood on one but Sean was smiling at him expectantly eyes hopeful _well at least if I fall flat on my face I’ll have an excuse to avoid going home for even longer_ he wasn’t looking forward to that Mom wouldn’t be mad just disappointed he’d have to have one of those talks about his emotions and feelings why he was angry how they could move past it sometimes it felt like she was more a therapist than a painter only problems being friends with your parents they sometimes forgot how to be a parent first and friend second. He realised he still hadn’t answered, Sean was tapping a foot idly he didn’t seem impatient though. 

“So show me how to do this?” 

He stood then and stubbed his cigarette out 

“Oh yeah sure” despite how eager he had seemed a moment ago to teach Finn how to skate he sounded nervous, turning back from the bin to face Sean who was unclasping the helmet on his head “Safety first” he said and it was even shyer than before _fuck does he even realise how cute he is._ He held the helmet out and Finn took it from his outstretched hands, sighed and saw an opportunity to tease Sean again. 

“Aww you're not gonna like me with helmet hair” He stuck out his lower lip even fluttered his long copper eyelashes either it worked very well or Sean was frustrated with the attempt at flirting as he turned his head away the pout became genuine for a moment as he placed a hand to his forehead and raked back his hair no hair bobbles on his wrists today only bracelets nothing to tie his long blue hair back with _shit I really am gonna have helmet hair._ Still he strapped it on stepped onto the board and followed Sean's instructions 

He didn’t think he was doing too badly but then next thing he knew the board was kicked out from underneath him and he was falling backwards fully expecting to hit the ground suddenly grateful for the helmet, he braced himself for impact but it never came he put his arms out to try and right himself or at least slow down but he didn’t need to he fell into Sean’s open arms feeling them go under his armpits and back up to circle his upper arms he felt his back fall into Sean's slim chest and had to fight the urge to just press against him and be held he lingered a few seconds catching his bearings before standing up again and pulling away, slightly lamenting the loss of contact as he slid away but he could feel Sean’s arms slide down from his biceps to his forearms and then finally to his wrists Sean let go of his right one but he held on to the left for several moments Finn felt oddly hopeful and could feel the heat rising to his cheeks as he blushed uncharacteristically. 

He hoped that he could play it off as being embarrassed about the fall, Sean lied and said he was tired he was a terrible liar even with them being practically strangers he could see right through him but he was thankful to have the company regardless today had been going so well and then that phone call that shitty fucking phone call he’d have to have a lecture from Ken about holding his tongue and Mom would drag him along to see Dad after school on Monday he seriously considered calling the bookstore to try and grab an extra shift after school to avoid it but since the owner and Mom were friends, they’d say no just so he’d have to visit. 

Sitting on the bench he could feel his whole body slump as he mentally shouted fuck you Dad, resting his hands under his chin he let his fingers flit to just below his eyes the triangles underneath Ken, John, Scott his 3 bros, partners in crime quite literally and his best friends all rolled into one, the line down his chin was for his Momma or maybe for himself fuck it could even be a metaphor to try and follow the straight blue line he never quite decided the meaning behind it, Sean sat beside him then he wanted to lean over and rest his head against his shoulder or press their knees together he did neither just unbuckled the helmet and took it off putting it beside him. 

His hair fell forward and blocked his eyes he tucked it back behind his ears and took out his phone to check himself in the camera he didn’t get that far he pressed the button on the side to bring up the display and saw a text from Ken “Dude what’d you say to Mom she hasn’t stopped crying since we got here” another flashed up then “Where are you?” he didn’t want to deal with his family right now he shoved the phone back into his pocket and pretended all he’d done was check out his hair even joked about it Sean said it looked good though the compliment was a nice little boost. 

Stealing himself against the inevitable realisation that Sean and Lyla were dating he asked the question he’d been wondering about since he met her hearing they weren’t a couple just friends wasn't as reassuring as he had thought it would be not with the longing that Sean filled that sentence with it seemed very clear he was hoping that they would be more than friends in the future his reply was nonchalant and guarded he reached for his hair and folded it back and forth over his knuckles with practiced movements it was grounding something to keep him in this moment not spinning off in a million directions he did it on instinct now not even noticing until someone called attention to it. 

Sean said something then and he was drawn out of his daze dropping his hair they talked about family, his brothers Sean’s brother he mentioned Sunday and that suddenly seemed like so far away as if he’d never see him again his thoughts turned to Mr Diaz he seemed like a good Dad actually looking out for his son making sure he knew who he was with where he was going even offering to feed a stranger on Sunday despite him being some punk ass nobody coming into his home his own Dad never would have given a fuck about checking out any of that when he was a kid. It was almost an afterthought that he added “Your Dad seems nice” he figured he really, really had to go home now as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket again, he didn’t want to go felt like he was letting them down when he’d promised to take them home but unfortunately reality was calling. 

He stood up and walked back to his car as soon as he got in, he took out his phone and put it on speaker ringing his Mom. When she answered he could hear the noise in the background Kendra and Leah were likely running around playing or something, people were talking in the room thankfully his Moms breathing was even. 

“Hey Finn are you on the way home?” 

“Yeah just leaving now I’ll be half an hour” 

“Ok we’ve been holding off on dinner till you got here and Scott's been complaining he’s hungry” “I have not” came the reply from in the distance 

“Yes you have” 

“Ok Mom I’m gonna go be there soon” 

“Love you” 

“Yeah I know, you to” 

He hung up then he didn’t want to talk on the phone he called in to the truck stop on the way home and bought a bouquet of Sunflowers, a 6 pack of beers and a box of cigarettes he put the box in his front pocket for later, Sunflowers were his Moms favourite he hoped to use them as a peace offering but if that failed he’d go down to his basement smoke a few joints and drink until he was feeling less pissed off at the whole situation. 

Pulling up to the house he stopped the engine Mom’s old yellow Volkswagen Beetle was in its usual spot his bros had thankfully left his spot in the driveway clear and had parked on the curb he got out of the car to see Ken already waiting to lecture him he’d been a better Dad to him than their own Dad ever had and he’d really taken to Fatherhood with ease. 

“Dude what did you say to Mom earlier?” 

“I, uh I said I didn’t miss Dad and didn’t want to see him even if she did” 

“Yeah I get it do you think I want to see him again or John and Scott?” 

“No man I know how much you hate having to bring the girls to see him” 

“Exactly but we all pretend for Moms sake you got it?” 

“Yeah Ken I know but it’s just not fucking fair she acts like he’s a saint or some shit, one selfless act doesn’t make up for all the shit he put us through” 

Finn looked at the scars on Kens face one through his left eyebrow another on the right side of his chin a third going through his lower lip, a gift from some greaser who wasn’t happy with the work on his car when Ken was manning the ‘Front Desk’ at 13, Dad was under some car Mom was out painting a mural for some business, John computer whiz that he was, was ordering parts or something and Scott was busy minding Finn so no one heard the fight at first not until the screams started and Dad rushed out from the garage to see what was going on the greaser was gone and Ken was lying on the floor limp, lip bleeding, jaw broken and eye swollen shut, sure Dad rushed to him to the hospital but he didn’t bother hiring a sitter or ringing Mom to come home just left two 12-year olds minding a 5-year-old. Mom acted like everything was fine since he never hurt them himself just left them in danger or put them in harm's way. 

“Fuck Finn don’t you think I get it, like I’m not walking around with fucking reminders on my face of what a god damn piece of shit he was to us “ 

Ken wasn't the only one walking around scarred because of who their Father was one day not long after Kenneth Sr had been arrested Finn was playing in the local park after school when a kid he kind of recognised had come over to him and pushed him face first into the tether ball pole so hard that he felt his nose break, the skin on it splitting so much from the swelling that he looked like he’d been slashed with a knife straight across his nose. 

“That’s for getting my Daddy in trouble” He couldn’t see anything his eyes were shut closed with pain as tears trickled down his face he wiped his nose when he felt it drip and saw his hand come back covered in blood he cried even harder as he heard someone call out “Brett get over here didn’t I tell you to stay away from the McNamara boys, they’re nothing but trouble.” “The kid had it coming if you ask me it’s his Fathers fault that we never got our car back. Maybe some discipline will do him good” 

He didn’t understand he hadn’t done anything he’d just been playing, Ken ran over then and scooped him up in his arms as he sobbed in pain and fear there was so much blood the kid who did it and his parent’s had already gone by then, Finn later came to find out that his Dad had been working on Scott Fosters car when he got busted and the police had taken it as evidence leaving him out of money and down a car. 

Drawn out of the painful memories by Ken continuing his sentence he tuned back in. 

“Look I love Lily, Mom as much as you but she’s blind to his failings and she always will be we’ve all tried to make her see it but she never will, it sucks but the best way to deal with this is just to let it be. Go in say sorry make nice and she’ll forgive you probably already has you’re her baby boy” 

Ken didn’t say more just wrapped him in a hug his strong arms a welcome presence he wrapped his own thin arms around his brother who stood more than a foot taller than him and twice his body mass he felt like a small child all of sudden after getting scolded and told it’s going to be all ok. 

“I got her Sunflowers to say sorry” _and beer if that doesn’t work but that’s for me_

The car door was still open he leant back through it grabbing the flowers from the dashboard and his 6 pack from the passenger seat he shut the driver's door and opened the rear door grabbing his school bag from where he had dropped it on the floor noticing the mess that had been moved so Lyla could sit down he reminded himself to clean the car again, it wasn’t the first time he’d forgotten much like the pile of laundry in his room. 

He walked into the kitchen, Lily sat at the table opposite Lorrie and Hans who got up and left when they saw him knowing how tense things were right now, he’d kind of been hoping for the backup but oh well. Ken walked straight past him to go find the girls he guessed he also assumed that his bros were in their rooms or something, they were still here even if they’d moved out their rooms hadn’t been changed only thing different was that now Ken and Lorrie slept in one of them when they visited ever since Kens old room had been turned into a room for the twins. 

“Hey Momma I’m sorry, what I said wasn’t fair to you” He pulled the sunflowers out from behind his back and handed them to her. 

Her hair was still neatly plaited in a French braid he’d done for her that morning though some of the front had fallen loose around her face her light blue eyes were wet with previous tears and the new ones that threatened to fall she was wearing brown eyeshadow that had since been smeared on to her cheeks what lipstick she had been wearing was pretty much faded away to nothing by now, he hoped the twins hadn’t seen her like this. Granma didn’t cry often they’d have been worried he felt even guiltier now. She took the bouquet from his hands. 

“Oh darlin thank you they’re beautiful. We’ll talk things out later after everyone goes” 

He wasn’t looking forward to it but he nodded none the less. 

“M’gonna head downstairs put my stuff away, feed Rizzo I’ll bring the girls down to say hi so you can clean up without them seeing you” 

He bent over and kissed her freckled cheek as he walked past, he called out to Kendra and Leah who ran over he stopped down to their height 

“Wanna go see Rizzo?” 

“Yes please” they said in unison following him down the stairs he looked over his shoulder and saw his Mom smile at him in thanks showing of the gap in her front teeth, it reminded him of the tooth he lost in a fight at 14, someone called him McNamara scum, and he’d just lost it why on earth he thought his skinny butt could take on anyone and win was beyond him. 

Dropping his bag on the floor beside his couch and walking into his kitchenette he placed his beers in the mini fridge he walked back to the living room and opened up Rizzo's enclosure most people would assume two 10 year old girls would be afraid of a Rat but they loved her he let them play with her while he filled her food bowl, then took her water bottle and filled it at the sink, her enclosure was clean so he didn’t have to worry about that today. When he finished, he took her back from the girls and put her back in. 

“Ok time to wash hands then we can go eat, I hear Uncle Scott has been starving” 

“He wouldn’t stop whining” Leah said frustrated she made an exaggerated frown. 

Kendra laughed at her sister they were identical twins but other than appearance they couldn’t be more different, Kendra was a fan of anything pink and loved skirts and pretty dresses she always wore necklaces and heart earrings, her hair was styled in braids that ended half way in, her thick afro curls were loose at the bottom. Leah on the other hand loved blues and purples sticking to jeans and t shirts her ears were pierced too but she wore simple studs her hair was styled in dread twin pony tails they’d both inherited their Lorries hair type they had blue green eyes you’d know their parents straight away they looked equal parts Ken and Lorrie. 

All washed up they headed back upstairs everyone else was already crowded around the table there weren’t enough seats people would have to eat in the living room or stand, he didn’t even know what they were having. Scott passed him the doorway holding a plate of burgers that answered that question he sat down on the couch Hans joined him then as did John, that meant him Lorrie, Ken, Lily and the twins were at the dining table. 

He grabbed a burger still warm someone must have put them back in the oven, they were good not dried out he finished one then another. He went and chatted with his bros when he finished, Lorrie was talking to Mom about work she might be able to score her a painting job for a big firm that’d be good they could use the cash, Hannah had gone to Scott's room he’d catch up with her later the two of them were close despite the age gap, some would think it awkward that his former hook-up was dating his brother but it was normal to him by now. 

“Hey Finn buddy mind redoing my hair next week?” 

Scott asked his blonde roots were beginning to peak through, he kept his eyebrows and goatee blond but his hair was dyed a vibrant green half shaved but long on top and plaited, his ears had green gauges in them, left eyebrow had a stud in it and his lower lip had a spiked stud on either side. 

“Yeah I got you just bring the dye, you can pay me with pizza” 

“Great thanks bro I got a party to DJ at in 2 weeks gotta look my best” 

“What about you John any plans coming up?” 

“Thinking of taking Trevor to Cali since he’s never been” 

Trevor was John’s on again off again boyfriend of the past few years Finn still wasn’t sure to make of him they’d only met a couple of times. 

He looked up at his Brother from where he sat on the sofa still eating, his glasses had slipped down his nose slightly while he had been looking at his food, he had the most piercings out of all of them both ears had large studs, two piercings in his right eyebrow, two rings in the left side of his lower lip a stud in the centre and a stud in his left nostril his hair was ginger and just above his shoulders half tied up in a pony tail half down. 

“What about you little bro anything coming up?” 

He sat down in his Moms chair she wouldn’t mind, he ran a hand through his hair letting it slip through his fingers and fall back down. 

“Work tomorrow you know, Spanish lesson on Sunday” He lowered his voice then “And Mommas probably gonna make me see Dad on Monday I need one of you to rescue me from that” 

“We’ll do my hair Monday then” 

“Thanks Scott you’re a life saver” 

Normally he’d stay and chat, run around with his nieces play dolls or do makeovers with them but he wasn’t feeling it not with the impending talk with his Momma he just wanted to forget about it drink a few beers, get stoned play a game or watch a movie maybe read something but he didn’t drink or smoke when the kids were over he wanted to try and be a good influence hard as it was, homework boring as fuck but necessary he’d do that if he could concentrate. 

“Gotta do m’homework, I’ll be downstairs call down before you head?” 

“Yeah” “Course” 

Homework took twice as long as normal he couldn’t focus on it he read the same sentences over and over again but the words weren’t going it he closed biology and opened up math he was good at that _at least balancing books as a kid was good for something thanks for that asshole_ it helped with the accounts for when he dealt weed at school but he’d tried to stop doing that, he still dealt to his friends, but most of his money came from the bookstore. 

Ken, Lorrie, Kendra and Leah were the first to come and say goodbye he didn’t even close his books just stood up and gave each of them a hug, Ken held back as his wife and daughters headed back upstairs. 

“Mom and Dad have really gotten to you haven’t they?” 

“Yeah dude” He looked at his feet and slumped his shoulders even more than usual 

“I know, it’s not like you to hide out down here on your own when everyone’s over, and you always put off your homework till the last minute. You gonna be ok?” 

“No idea, I’m dreading Lily’s talk, sometimes it sucks how understanding she is, I’d rather her just yell at me at least then I wouldn’t feel guilty about being angry with her” 

“Look you and I both know you don’t mean that, I still remember you hiding under your bed when Dad used to yell and we’d have to coax you out with chocolate, toys or promising to buy you the latest comic book that you wanted” 

He smiled at his Brother fondly, he was 25 his kids had been born when he was 16 but he’d been a Dad long before that looking after his Brothers when Dad was too busy with his latest scheme or when Mom got a big project she absolutely had to get done and forgot that the world existed outside of her and her paints. He sometimes wondered if Lorries pregnancy had been a deciding factor in his Dad turning himself in. 

“You know, you don’t always have to call me out on my bullshit right.” 

“Course I do what do you think big brothers are for.” 

Ken ruffled his hair then and he felt 10 years younger clinging to his Brothers leg after he dropped a glass and was waiting for the smash of it hitting against the floor followed by the angry words from Dad about being more careful. This time there was no smash no angry Dad just a disappointed and hurting Mom waiting to try and make him understand and to understand him and somehow that seemed even more daunting. 

“Look if things don’t work out alright you come stay with us.” 

Ken gripped his shoulder and squeezed once before he turned around and went back upstairs. 

He’d done as much homework as he could be bothered with tonight, he closed up the books and shoved them into his backpack, he texted Hans, 

“Can you come down? Avoiding Mom” 

He walked into the kitchenette and turned on the coffee maker the basement conversion was one of the best decisions him and his Mom had ever made it was his own space where he could do what he wanted but it was safe no rent to pay and no fear of being in a bad part of town the only condition was that his Mom got to keep her painting studio it worked out well for him. Living room, bathroom, kitchenette and a bedroom all to himself. Meals he usually ate upstairs with his Mom they might be fighting now but they were close it had just been the two of them for a long time. 

Hannah came down and walked straight into the kitchenette and sat at the small dining table. 

“So, what’s going on exactly” 

“I don’t want to talk about it Hans. Fuck today was going good I’d put him out of my mind, if he was coming home I wasn’t fuck can you believe that; and Lily just wants me to forgive Dad for robbing all of our childhoods leaving us with a tainted name.” 

“Ok ok not talking about it got it, why was today good?” 

The coffee maker finished and he poured two cups adding sugar and milk to his leaving Hans black no sugar considering his next words trying not to sound too eager 

“I got a date with the cute guy in my Spanish class, or well I thought it was a date now I’m not sure he might have a crush on his friend. But it was great we chatted on the drive home listened to music together brought him to the skate park, he tried to show me” He laughed a little “Didn’t go well but it was nice” 

“Tell me about him?” 

Finn would usually come home and tell his Mom all about his day over dinner and hear about hers he’d been looking forward to it but not today. 

“Hans he’s adorable shy and sweet but funny and kind handsome too I don’t think he’d believe it if someone told him though” 

“You sound smitten” 

“Yeah I kinda am been checkin him out a while” 

“So why haven’t you asked him out yet?” 

“Trying to be a good student an shit ya know” 

“How’s that working out for you?” 

“Hard, fuckin hard” 

He sipped on the coffee it was strong and sweet him and Hans hadn’t had time to chat just the two of them in too long it felt good, usually they’d have a joint or drink together but he was staying sober till later, they ended up in the living room watching a film something he’d seen enough to not care about being distracted and missing things. He smoked a cigarette tapping it off into the ashtray by the sofa he ended up lying on his side resting his head on Hans lap before the film was even half way through. Scott was the next to leave he came down to get Hans. 

“See ya Monday” 

“Yeah see ya” 

Only John was still here he hoped he’d stay the night that way he could delay the inevitable and deal with everything after work tomorrow but John came down not long after Hans and Scott left, Finn was playing with Rizzo by this point watching as she rubbed her paws over her face to clean herself John stood at the bottom of the stairs. 

“Trevor wants me back home so I gotta head. You gonna be alright?” 

“I guess” 

And with that he was alone again him and his basement how it always was but the large space felt suffocating walls closing in his Mom would come down those steps any minute and he’d hear her tell him all the same things she always did he’s changed he’s better he’s trying he’s sorry _fuck at least if he’d gotten out then she’d realise just how wrong she was_ _._ He heard her soft steps down the stairs and her voice even softer still. 

“Finn are you ready to talk yet?” 

_No_ “Yes” 

He got up put Rizzo in her enclosure and shut it heading into the kitchenette starting up the kettle, _tea that’ll help chamomile and mint tea with honey for both of us nice and relaxing, deep breaths Finn your almost 18 you’re a grown up it’s just a chat to talk about your feelings; all of them towards your awful dick of a Father okay try that again calm._

Lily walked into the kitchenette and sat down her hair was lose around her shoulders soft waves tumbling down she’d taken off her makeup and put on pyjamas her blue nose ring and many tattoos made her seem younger than she was but her eyes looked old and tired full of regrets, Finn felt his heart soften looking at his Momma like that as if he was finally seeing her for the first time 10 years of doing this alone and he could kind of understand why she missed him. 

He added some cold water to the mugs then and sat down opposite her. She took the mug from his outstretched hand and smiled softly grateful for the kind gesture despite the oncoming tidal wave that was about to crash between them. 

“I know you don’t want to talk but it’s important that we get our feelings out in the open.” 

He didn’t say anything just nodded silently and waited for her to continue it wasn’t the first time they’d had one of these types of talks he knew the routine but it didn’t make things any easier he inhaled the steam coming off of his tea hoping it’d sooth him then he pulled his cigarettes out of his jeans pocket along with the lighter, flicking open the box with his thumb he took out two lighting one for himself and offering another to Lily she didn’t smoke when the grandkids were over but she took the cigarette placed it between her lips as Finn lit it she inhaled. 

“Thanks” 

“Yeah” 

“Why don’t you want to see your Dad again?” 

“God Mom it’s the same things I’ve told you before, I swear you don’t even hear me when it comes to him anymore” 

“That’s not fair” 

“No what’s not fair is that I didn’t get a childhood he had me working on cars or playing lookout or the cute kid card to get money out of strangers.” 

“You liked helping on the cars, you thought you were a spy on lookout and you got too meet all sorts of new people.” 

“Fuck I was a kid I didn’t know any better, what about Ken he got beaten because of Dad how did you forgive him for that? Don’t you remember what it was like when he was in the hospital getting stitched up, I do I cried for hours we all did we didn’t know if he was coming home again.” 

“But he’s fine now” 

“Other than the scars or the fact his jaw still clicks from where it got broken.” 

“But it wasn’t your Fathers fault.” 

“Sure not directly but he caused it. Ok then what about me?” 

“What do you mean” 

“Shit didn’t even get better when he left. Remember when I came home from the park with a broken nose. Ken said I fell off of the swing set. He lied and I didn’t want to get him in trouble so I never corrected him. Some kid beat me up because Dad swindled their family.” 

“No that’s not true you fell.” 

“Sure I did, like I forgot it I was just playing and then all I could taste was blood I got pushed straight into a pole, oh how about at 14 when I came home missing a tooth you joked about giving it to the tooth fairy I laughed it off sure but you know why it happened?” 

“You never told me” 

Silent tears were falling down her cheeks then; the cigarette between her fingers was smoking away the ashes still clumped together ready to fall at any moment. 

“I tried to defend that jack ass; shit I don’t even know why I did it I got my ass handed to me and lost a tooth in the process. I can’t even look in the mirror without seeing all the ways he screwed up my life, fuck.” 

He felt tired hollow and empty like someone had cut him open and left all of his insides on the table in front of him he could see it every wrong turn he’d made that wasn’t really his fault because he didn’t know any better, Dad taught him all wrong, Mom tried to do it right but honestly she messed up just as often as he did trying to understand him, to not blame him and his Brothers they were just as messed up too probably worse given they’d gone through everything for twice as long, so he made mistake after mistake it was a shock, he hadn’t already wound up in prison he’d been fined and arrested enough times by now. 

That last warning though over some stupid shit tagging or shoplifting he could barely even remember what it was but he remembered how he felt after wards Kareem a parole officer they made him talk to had finally sat down and asked why he was acting out, what he was trying to accomplish, really listened to him in the hours he waited for someone to pay bail come and get him out of there when he was thinking no one would come. “Finn I’ve seen your record it’s all petty crimes you’re a minor so they’re letting you off but it’s not going to stay that way you’re 17 now keep going like this and you’ll be behind bars before your 18 tried as an adult, is that what you want” it opened his eyes someone actually calling him on his bullshit not Lilys “It’s ok you messed up we all make mistakes” or Kens “You have to do better than this kiddo” consequences real life ones _do this and you will end up in prison... just like your Dad_

“That’s the first time you’ve told me that. I don’t know what to say Finn, if I tell you that you don’t have to see him again will that fix it?” 

“You jus you don get it, there’s nothing to fix. He broke all of us Mom you too you keep trying to fix a shot gun blast with a band aid and it’s never gonna work” 

Tears welled up behind his eyes and he fought hard to stop them spilling he wasn’t sad just exhausted fed up of fighting of pretending things were ok when they never had been and couldn’t ever be they clouded his vision making everything swim his head was fuzzy with the effort but he didn’t want to let him win, to have his Mom get up and wrap her arms around him to comfort him he couldn’t give him the satisfaction even if he’d never know about this conversation he would and it’d just be another reminding off all of his failings. 

He felt like a rubber band pulled too tight all of his efforts to remain calm had failed the tea hadn’t been drunk he’d smoked the cigarette without ever savouring it just let it rest between his lips. The band snapped. 

“Get out Lily I can’t deal with this tonight” 

“Finn no we have to fix this” 

“Leave or I will” 

She pushed her chair back and stood up turning to leave the ash finally fell on to the table she dropped her cigarette into the mug of undrunk and now cold tea. 

“I love you son” 

The sentence sounded like a prayer as if she was begging forgiveness some promise it would all be ok. 

“Yeah I know...love you too.” 

It was almost a whisper said more to himself than to her. 

He didn’t feel loved though he waited till he heard her walking upstairs before he moved. He let himself cry 10 years of pain, hatred, hurt and anger spilling out he rested his elbows on the table face in his hands covering his eyes his palms were wet with tears in seconds they hung to his light copper lashes and dripped into his hands then rolled their way along his fingers till the table itself was wet with tears. 

_Fuck everyone_

He cried till he had no more tears left his body wracked with sobs shoulders heaving taking in gulps of air he hadn’t cried this hard in years last time might actually have been at 14, tooth missing mouth numb with pain iron taste on his tongue just above his eyebrow cut and bleeding it dripped into his eye staining it red he’d cried from pain and frustration then, he spat out his tooth in defiance and gotten a kick to the ribs for it. The nurse patched him up told him to keep the tooth and go home but there was no one to take him home. 

“Fuck everyone” 

He stood up opened the fridge harsher than he should of the door hit off of the wall with a bang he grabbed the six pack of beers he’d bought earlier, he slammed the door shut again and went to the lounge placing the beers on the table pulling one free from the ring he cracked it open and chugged it needing to not feel like this anymore, he opened up his phone no messages that was fine he didn’t need anyone he called up the local pizza place, Pepperoni large for delivery, he put something on the tv he didn’t know what didn’t care. 

He grabbed a fistful of bills from his dealing money and trudged up the stairs pleasantly buzzed and care free shoved them into the delivery girls hand snatched the box from her and headed back down, the hot smell of Pizza grease, weed and cigarette smoke in the air the tang of beer in his nostrils felt more like home than here did right now. 

Pizza, Beers and Weed that was all he needed and screw anyone that said differently even the part of himself saying that this was a bad idea he had work tomorrow, things weren't that bad slow down, he just drank faster and lit another joint in rebellion, he didn’t remember falling asleep when he woke the next day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if this is technically hurt no comfort.  
> I'm sorry if I made you sad the next part wont be so bad.


	3. Every Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High School AU where the Drifters are in Seattle  
> Chapter alternates between Sean and Finns pov's  
> Song is by Ezra Furman highly recommend it  
> Sean and Finn both have to go to work today.  
> Sean doesn't want to talk to his Mom later.  
> Finn is still upset about how yesterday went.  
> They bump into each other and it helps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long and just kept getting longer I went to do the final edit and it ended up getting another 1200 words added to it.  
> One Drive link to the House and characters.  
> My Sim Finn is not as accurate as I would like. Mods and Cheats have been used as well as multiple expansion packs  
> https://1drv.ms/u/s!AlQz-zJGXaS80w_5MV_Ox6Q06AJa?e=RkoYZz

_I'm gonna feel every feeling in the book tonight_

_Fuck the hurt_

_Fuck the pain_

_Fuck the panic_

_Fuck the hate_

Sean awoke to his alarm he sat up and glared at the phone before swiping a hand over his eyes to wipe the sleep from them he switched the alarm off and looked at the time 7am, Saturday mornings used to mean sleeping in until 12pm then lazing around in his boxers and whatever shirt he’d slept in that night then eating cereal on the couch with Daniel while Hawt Dawg Man played in the background or they played a fighting game together rather than fighting in real life, but that was before he started working at Z Mart.

Stretching he swung his legs out the side of the bed he could hear Dad in the kitchen and wondered if he was up early or hadn’t slept maybe he had to work early but that wasn’t likely with Daniel home all day maybe he’d get a lift to work instead of taking the bus, standing he went and grabbed his uniform from where he’d left it on the wardrobe door, he’d showered last night before bed so he had extra time in the morning if he needed it.

He dressed quickly and headed out to the kitchen where Esteban was sitting at the breakfast bar coffee cup and a plate of toast in front of him. Sean stifled a yawn before he spoke.

“Morning Papito you’re up early”

He walked to the counter and took out two slices of bread from the loaf still left on the counter placing them in the toaster and turning it on he touched the side of the kettle with his palm still hot good he wanted coffee, he grabbed a mug from the cupboard spoon from the drawer and spooned in instant coffee and sugar from the canisters in the corner.

“Customer requested an emergency appointment first thing this morning, figured I’d get up early and give you a lift to work”

“That’d be great thanks”

He poured boiling water into the cup and stirred it then opened up the fridge took out the milk poured it in stirred and put the milk away again. The toast would take a few more minutes he took out butter, ham and cheese as well as a plate. He sipped on the coffee hot and steaming bitter with just a hint of sweetness and creaminess the toast popped up. He spread the butter watching it melt slightly before he removed a slice of cheese and a slice of ham adding them to the bread, putting the top slice on cutting it in half then putting the food back in the fridge. He grabbed his mug and plate and took the seat beside his Dad at the breakfast bar.

“So, what is happening with Daniel if you are working today?”

“I asked Lyla to mind him for me for a couple of hours”

“When she never said anything to me”

Esteban didn’t say anything he just looked confused Lyla told Sean everything it was odd to think she hadn’t

“It was after you went to bed, I told her you were sleeping when she asked probably didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Yeah probably right”

He bit the sandwich it was warm and tasty even if it wasn’t much, he pulled his phone out of his pocket 7:15 no need to rush today he texted Lyla “Thanks for letting me sleep last night have fun minding Daniel later” He didn’t expect a text back she’d still be sleeping for a while. The garage didn’t open till 9 Daniel would be ok asleep for the 10-minute drive to Z Mart, Dad would drive right back no need to wake him and have him be cranky all day.

In the car on the way to work Esteban asked the question Sean had been dreading.

“So, this boy?”

“Finn yeah what about him?” _Here it comes is he your new boyfriend is that why I’ve never heard of him_

“Is Sunday a study date or a date date?” 

It wasn’t exactly the question he had been expecting but close enough to be daunting. He had to think for a moment.

“I’m not sure, I kind of thought it might have been both but I think he might like Lyla, I don’t know”

Sean shrugged his shoulders trying to make it seem like it was no big deal but failing miserably, Esteban could see right through him. Sean clearly didn’t want to talk about it anymore he would when he was ready to, he turned up the radio an old Spanish pop song played and they sang along with it till they pulled up to Z Mart.

“Have a good day in work love you Mijo”

“Thanks for driving me love you to Papito.”

He mumbled it a little bit self consciously despite no one else being there, before stepping out of the car and waving his Dad goodbye.

Work for Sean was the same as usual, stocking shelves, cleaning, working behind the till a bit of everything, his lunch break rolled around he went into the break room, to make coffee took out his phone to check his social media when a text from Karen came in.

“New book is out can you check if it’s being stocked locally?”

Just great that meant a detour to the bookstores after work, there were at least 3 of them he’d been looking forward to just finishing up and heading home, but his Mom was impatient and selfish, she was still asking him for silly things she could do herself despite being halfway around the world, she paid child support and called every week at least. He made a mental note to go finished up his lunch break and got back to work, social media forgotten for now.

  


Finn woke up to his phone blaring at him he blinked open his eyes a few times the world was blurry and out of focus, the alarm sounded like 10 nails on a chalk board, 100 metal concerts and 1000 airplanes taking off at once he rolled over to turn it off and fell straight on to the floor.

“Fuuuck”

He forgot he’d crashed on the sofa last night, reaching up he scrambled for the phone on the coffee table until his fingers brushed against the phone several attempts later and the cacophony of sounds finally ended leaving him with just the dull buzz in his head. Attempting to sit up he found that the room span in circles around him his head was swimming.

He desperately wanted to crawl into bed and bury his face into the pillows and sleep off this hangover but he needed the money since he wasn’t dealing anymore. He placed his palms on the floor feeling the rug brush against them pushing himself up on wobbly arms every fibre of his body protesting and telling him to lie back down again.

Standing the room continued to spin around him and his vision blurred he shouldn’t have drunk so fast last night but he just wanted to feel good after the shitty day he had, _Coffee and shower that’s what I need._ Stumbling his way to the bathroom he turned on the light blinking his eyes several times in order to adjust to the light.

Stripping out of his jeans and t-shirt that he’d fallen asleep in the night before, he threw them into the hamper before stepping into the bath tub and turning on the shower hoping that there would be hot water the first drops to hit his shoulder blades were freezing cold he jumped away from the spray waiting for the water to hopefully heat up he’d take a cold shower if he had too just to wash away the smell of smoke, pizza grease and beer from his skin.

He reached out a shaky hand letting the spray touch his finger it was slowly warming up _good_ he grabbed the shampoo and squirted it into his hand rubbing it over his still dry hair while he waited for the water to heat up another tentative touch and he stood under the shower head letting the water soak his skin and wash away some of the grogginess of his hangover, the room slowly filled up with steam as he lathered his blue and copper locks he tilted his head back under the shower head letting the water spill over his face waking him up as it did so the droplets catching on his eyelashes and dripping on to his cheeks like the tears he’d spilt last night.

He showered longer than he probably needed to but he didn’t want to face the cold of the bathroom nor the ordeal of taking off all of his jewellery for work, eventually he did turn off the shower pull back the curtain and stepped out grateful for the rug under his feet as he grabbed two towels from the rack beside him wrapping one around his waist and the other around his shoulders to catch the drips that fell from his hair.

Walking into the kitchenette clad in nothing but his towel he switched on the coffee maker to brew a pot while he got dried and dressed in his room, sitting on his bed he let himself flop back on the mattress still tempted to wrap himself up in his blankets and go back to sleep even if the shower did help him wake up a bit he was still hungover and regretting staying up so late when he needed to get up for work early. He could feel his hair beginning to saturate the bedding with water so he sat back up, wrapping the towel around his hair and giving it a ruffle to try and dry it more.

Now that he was sitting he got to work undoing his necklaces, then sliding the bracelets off of his wrists and over his hands, next came his rings he rubbed a thumb over his favourite one as he placed it in his palm and held it tight a moment then placed it on his bedside locker beside his lamp, on the outside it just looked like a plain black band but inside were his Brothers names he’d gotten it for his Sweet 16th along with his Car.

Reaching up to his lower lip he turned his ring until the ball was facing outside of his mouth as he gripped just over the ball with his thumb and pushed left freeing the piercing ball which fell into the space where his fingers met his palm he placed it inside his ring on the locker so he wouldn’t lose it he gripped the ring and pulled it through his lip adding it to the pile of jewellery on the locker, he should really get something to keep it all together for work days rather than just leaving them on top of the locker and hoping nothing went missing, next he unscrewed one of the balls on his septum ring and pushed it out of the hole last he started taking out his many earrings.

By the time he finished removing his jewellery the coffee maker was finished he could hear it stop making noises meaning the water had run out and it was ready to drink, that suited him just fine he still had to get dressed and dry himself off properly plus the coffee was always too hot when it first brewed this just meant he had time for it too cool down.

He grabbed the first pair of boxer briefs he found in the drawer same with his socks, he was grateful he’d had the fore sight to hang up his work clothes earlier that week he just reached into the wardrobe and grabbed the hanger they were on. Smart casual was the only rule for work no uniform he’d chosen black slacks and a black short sleeved button up shirt paired with a denim waistcoat just enough to walk the line between formal and rebellious.

Dressing took a little longer than normal he was all clumsy fingers and groggy energy lessness, when he’d finally pulled on his slacks, he added a belt they were going to fall down without one he must have lost weight or grown without noticing it, with his shirt buttoned he tugged on the waistcoat leaving it open for now he couldn’t be bothered buttoning it up right now seemed tedious.

He’d have to brush his hair and get his glasses from the drawer beside the bed he liked to read at work and no way was he going to try and do contacts today he’d just end up jabbing himself in the eye if he tried right now, going into the kitchen dressed but without shoes on he poured himself a coffee added milk, sugar and filled a bowl with Skweeninax cereal topping it up with milk placing the carton back in the fridge then sitting down to eat.

Sugary sweet coffee and chocolatey cereal were exactly what he needed to finally feel more awake he’d grab some pain killers and a bottle of water from the medicine cabinet in the upstairs bathroom before he left for work just in case his head got worse he hoped it wouldn’t but he wasn’t going to risk being unprepared if he was wrong. Sean would probably say something about how a boy scout is always prepared but he’d never lived that kind of life so he didn’t know.

Finishing his food and coffee he left the dishes where they were maybe he’d do them later after work it depended on his mood he might just game all night maybe text Sean, or one of his other friends he wouldn’t know until then, his hair was still damp he went into the bathroom and grabbed his hair dryer from the basket underneath the sink switching it on, he blow dried it to the left hand side of his face brushing it straight the blue of his hair blending into his tattoos slightly it was part of why he wore his hair like that it looked cute that way sure but it also hid his triangles a little bit.

He snapped a picture of his hungover face, without jewellery on and his hair off to one side he looked softer despite the red around his eyes and the pale greenish tinge to his skin it was an alright picture he might send it on to Cassidy later on, he could invite her over that might be fun they could play guitar together well she could play and he would clumsily play along and make a million mistakes but she wouldn’t care just laugh at his efforts.

Shoes and glasses were grabbed from the bedroom he put on his shoes, black army boots that were never this hard to lace normally, he tucked his glasses into the neck of his shirt for now he’d put them on for the drive to work, oh he still needed his keys _fuck where’d I leave them I don’t got time for this shit_ back to the bathroom he found them in his jeans pocket from yesterday along with his cigarettes lighter and wallet wow he had not been thinking clearly, phone on the coffee table was the last thing to get from his basement.

“You’re in charge Rizzo look after the place”

He called out softly to the rat who squeaked indignantly at being woken up by his voice.

“I feel you girl least you get to go back to sleep”

He waved to her enclosure as he started his ascent of the stairs the lights were all off up there Lily must still be asleep he went into the bathroom and grabbed a box of Aspirin shoving a strip of pills into his pocket for later on, the kitchen upstairs still had the curtains closed he opened them up and silently cursed the sun for existing, those painkillers might be better used now.

Grabbing a glass out of the cupboard he filled it with tap water pulled the strip of pills out of his pocket popped two out into his hand before shoving the rest back into his pocket he opened his mouth and dropped the tablets in taking a large gulp of water and swallowing them down with ease.

“You better fucking work”

Was grumbled under his breath he finished the water and left the glass in the sink. The planner on the wall had a dry erase marker attached to it he thought for a moment and decided to leave a note for his Mom on it.

_“Sorry bout last night, Luv ya Momma.”_

It was just him there so he didn’t need to sign his name on it and with that final gesture it was time for him to head to work as much as he didn’t want to, he unlocked the door of the house and locked it behind him again got in his car put on his glasses started the engine and was met with its familiar growl then purr he started the drive to Book-Zooka no music today he needed to focus on driving no distractions.

The drive to work seemed to take longer than normal that morning he wasn’t sure if it was the lack of music or the fact that he was still hungover, tired and moody, hopefully the place would be quiet and he could just relax with a book in his seat behind the counter, when he arrived at the store the it was still locked up, he’d barely remembered it was his turn to open up the place. At this time of the morning the streets were completely empty and eerily silent in the October stillness.

Work was quiet and uneventful for most of the day a woman came in bought a few romance novels and left, a couple entered the store and looked at the maternity and baby books, they looked happy he guessed they were maybe 4 months along but he didn’t say anything to them, a group of teens a few years younger than him stayed a long time browsing the books and reading discussing the graphic novels he didn’t have the heart to move them on or tell them to make a purchase at least not until his boss ordered him to he felt bad about it afterwards.

Lunch rolled around and he rang Lily to see how she was doing now that he had cooled off, he sighed with relief when she said that he didn’t have to see his Father anymore if he didn’t want. Next up he texted Ken to let him know that last night was a disaster but that Lily listened to what he had to say in the end, he texted Cass to come over after work if she was free, he thought about texting Sean and was just about to when his boss called him half way through his lunch break in order to put new stock away on the shelves.

The book was the latest by Karen Reynolds a poet he couldn’t ever get into he’d read her first book The Other Way a few years back even though it had been around a couple of years at that point the poems were alright but he couldn’t connect with them he found the writing seemed to come from a person who had only known privilege but that wrote as if her life had been hard, still she was a popular enough author and she’d lived around here for a little while according to the blurb so her books sold well.

The boss had made him bring out the display stand from storage and fill it up with the new issues a handful of which were signed copies, doing the display and stacking arranging the shelves took hours since the shop picked up business as soon as lunch was over, he had to keep stopping and starting again, he was grateful for having taken the pain killers earlier his head still buzzed but it was more of a dull ache than the throbbing pain he had had that morning.

By the time it was nearly closing the shop had gotten quiet again he was nose deep into a book sitting behind the counter he’d almost lost track of time he was fully engrossed in the story he never even heard the customer walk into the store he looked up from his book tucking his hair behind his ear and pushing his glasses back up on his nose to look at the customer, standing on the other side of the counter.

“Finn...? I didn’t know you were here”

“Sean what you doing here of all places”

“Karen er Mom’s got a new book out she wanted me to check the book stores around town to see if they were stocking it or not”

“I didn’t know you had a writer in the family.”

“Um I don’t really talk about her it’s complicated.”

“Yeah I get you family can be a mess. What’s the name I can check the system”

“Oh, you have it in here I saw it on the way but I thought that was you behind the counter”

“Heh what gave me away”

“Not a lot of people can pull off blue and copper hair like you”

He blushed then and looked at his feet Finn just smiled at him, not that’d he’d see with his eyes downturned like that. _Does he even know how cute he is?_

“Thanks sweetie, soo I get off in about 20 minutes wanna hang out we can talk about family shit if you like?”

“Yeah, yeah I’d like that”

Sean hated seeing his Moms happy smiling face on the book covers she looked happier staring at some camera ready to be printed and plastered on billboards and covers than she ever did in any of the family photos that they had around the house or when she vid called him on the weekends her eyes always seemed distracted like she was waiting to leave or too busy to really listen to what he had to say.

He picked up the book on the top of the pile “The Green Choir” by Karen Reynolds a collection of poems, stories and reflections on life. Flicking open the cover he scanned for his name or Daniels anywhere in the dedications only to find it blank the only mention was of a Joan, he’d never met the woman but he kind of hated her, she was worthy of his Mothers attention when he wasn’t. 

He’d be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t disappointed he always was when he saw some new book and noted his absence from the pages this year it just stung more he’d come out, made head of the track team and was getting scouted for scholarships already, he was hoping for a “Dedicated to my Son Sean I’m proud of you” or something like that an acknowledgment that she had been listening during their calls, the Lava lamp for his birthday was a nice surprise the Bi Flag colours an indication that she had heard him but it also felt like one up man ship of his Dad’s bracelet.

He closed the book and placed it back on the stack of them he knew how annoying it was when a customer undid his hard work, looking up from the display he spotted blue hair that had fallen over an eye where the person was reading behind the counter. _Their boss is less of a hard ass than mine._ Tattooed fingers turned a page, blue hair and tattoos. _Finn?_

He walked up to the counter to be pleasantly surprised that he was right, Finn looked softer free of jewellery and wearing glasses he was dressed nicely unlike himself still in his Z Mart uniform he felt somehow even more bland in comparison than he had yesterday. They chatted briefly and agreed to hang out Sean left Finn to his work while he walked across the street and ordered pizza for them to share.

Finn walked out and locked up the shop at the same time as Sean was walking back to the store.

“Perfect timing man, wanna sit in my truck and eat this?”

“That’d be great I walked here.”

“I’m parked round the back, want another ride home?”

“Only if you aren’t busy?”

“I’m…free”

What he really wanted to say was _I’m never too busy for you_ but he thought better of it, they reached the car and he pulled down the tailgate hopping up into the back of the truck, scooted towards the rear of the car bed, Sean handed the pizza box to him and got in the back too scooting back to sit beside him, despite the space available to them they sat close together the pizza box resting on their thighs.

“So, family shit tell Dr Finn all about it…I mean if you want to…no pressure?”

Sean opened up the box and took out a slice hot still steaming and dripping oil his mouth watered from the smell alone he took a bite the pepperoni pulled off of the pizza as soon as he bit it his mouth was slightly covered in grease from it, saucy doughy cheesy goodness filled his mouth he swallowed and answered Finn.

“Yeah so I told you my Moms an author?”

“That you did my man”

Finn replied after having a mouthful of pizza

“Yeah she packed up and left when I was 8, thought it’d help her create or some shit.”

“Fuck that sucks I’m sorry”

“It gets better trust me”

Sean punctuated the sentence with an eye roll and a bitter laugh showing how sarcastically he meant for the statement to be.

“So, like that I get home from school she wasn’t there to walk me home so I just walked back alone Dad was working and Daniel was in day care. I sat on the porch step for an hour waiting for her, I didn’t have a key to get in, bitch didn’t leave one for me when she walked out either, I walked over to Lyla’s her Dad let me in…”

He stopped and took in a shaky breath fighting back tears, it never got easier to say it out loud.

“He asked why I was all alone, I told him that my Mom never got me and that I couldn’t get into the house, he sent me off to go and play with Lyla, I think he must have rung my Dad or something because he came and got me straight away even though he still had work for hours, he had Daniel with him too and he wasn’t meant to be finished day-care till later”

He stopped again clearly still upset by the memory, Finn reached out a hand and rubbed his back comfortingly

“You can stop if you want to?”

“No, no I’m ok honest just been a long time since I told this story”

He took a bite of the pizza and swallowed, it stuck in his dry throat he regretted not getting sodas with the pizza he choked it down and continued.

“So Dad gets us he asks me to stay in the car with Daniel but I was 8 and I wanted to know where my Mommy had gone or some bull crap like that so I leave him sleeping in the car and sneak into the house, that was the first time I ever saw my Dad cry he was in their bedroom the house was a mess she grabbed a lot of her stuff and left I don’t remember if she even left a note or anything like that, I think she did because he hid something when I walked into the room. He was on the floor just so broken, he didn’t even yell at me for leaving Daniel alone.”

The hand on his back pressed closer he leant into it, it’s felt strangely familiar.

“I don’t know how he got in contact with her or anything but he tracked her down somehow tried to have done for child endangerment but he didn’t win, he got a divorce and made her pay maintenance, she’s got to have these weekly chats till I’m 18 our relationship is…odd I don’t even know how to describe it…it’s like she’s my Mom and a part a me still loves her but mostly I just hate her for what she did… it’s weird and complicated.” He looked down dejected before quietly adding. “You wouldn’t get it.”

“You’d be surprised sweetie, I dunno if you ever heard about mah Daddy?”

“Not really I just know that he isn’t around anymore.”

“He’s a piece of shit dude, got me and my bros involved in crime as kids then got his ass thrown in jail I swear though he’d have sent us down if he could have but our Mama begged him not to and my Bro was expecting the twins, so we’re here and he’s in jail with some other people he worked with insteada us, still fucked us up though. It uh it was 10 years ago yesterday fuck him man”

Sean watched as Finn chewed on his lip, he wondered if he got the lip ring to help with that particular nervous gesture, and was missing it right now.

“To shitty parents”

Sean laughed sadly he raised a slice of pizza to Finn who tapped his own slice against it like a toast.

“Cheers, what say we finish this up and have a smoke, then I’ll run you home?”

“That’d be great”

They finished up their pizza and pushed the box off to the side of the car bed away from them Finn pulled a box of cigarettes out of his pocket Sean took out and handed him his lighter he laid down and looked up at the sky he’s pleasantly surprised when Finn does the same thing handing him back the lighter and inhaling on the cigarette.

“Cool lighter”

“Thanks, my Papi gave it to me”

“Nice I got my knife from mine”

“Didn’t you say he went away 10 years ago?”

“Yup”

“Not to be rude but that’s kinda fucked up”

“Tell me bout it sweetheart”

Finn inhaled a final drag and handed it back to Sean, he held it for a while watching the clouds and planes pass over head when he exhaled he watched the grey blue smoke twist and wind away from them drifting ever higher he placed a hand under his head rubbing at the shorter hair there, he let his arm lay between him and Sean he’d hold his hand if he could, but he doesn’t make a move to do it.

Sean takes the cigarette between two fingers and places it between his lips, he focuses on the clouds looking for shapes in them Finn watches his face as he concentrates, he looks strangely relaxed and at peace even cuter than normal he stops his watching when Sean excitedly points up to the sky.

“Look at that one it looks just like a Wolf”

Finn’s eyes follow to where Sean is pointing to and he’s right there’s a cloud that looks just like a wolf howling at the sun, he’d never have spotted it himself must be the artist in Sean that sees these things, he drops his arm back down beside his leg the back of his hand resting against Finns as he reaches across his chest to hand back the cigarette.

“Sure, does Sean”

He replies as he takes the cigarette and places it too his lips, he idly thinks that if this as close to a date or kissing Sean as he can get then it would probably still be enough for him, Sean is so pure not like him he’d no doubt taint him good boys like him didn’t date guys like him other than to rebel against their parents and he didn’t seem the type to do that no sense hoping for more than this.

Sean’s hand still presses against Finns he wonders when he’ll take the hint and hold it but he never does he even awkwardly passes the cigarette back with the hand farthest away instead of moving away from him, he rubs a thumb against the back of Finns hand he knows it’s probably useless to even try and flirt with someone as badass as him especially when he could get anyone he wanted to and he seemed to like Lyla anyway.

The ensuing silence that encompassed them was comfortable in a way that was unexpected the noises of the city around them filtered through but otherwise they were undisturbed as they passed their cigarette back and forth idly watching the clouds pass them by overhead occasionally pointing out an interesting one the cigarette burnt down to ashes and Finn stubbed it out beside him taking his hand out from under his head in order to do so, neither made any move to get up just yet. Finn yawned and stretched.

Sean half heartedly hoped that Finn was going to make a move to put his arm around his shoulders and pull him close to his side, but it doesn’t happen he lets the moment pass before asking.

“Didn’t sleep well?”

“Not really, come on let’s get you home can tell you more on the way”

He sat up abruptly, pushing his glasses back on to the bridge of his nose.

“You know I had no idea that you wore glasses before today”

“I don’t…normally, I tend to go for contacts but I was too wrecked to put them on this morning, it’s mostly jus for readin and drivin.

“They suit you”

“Aww thanks sweetie, might I add that you rock that Z Mart uniform”

He bumped his shoulder against Sean’s playfully, moving to sit up as his phone rang. Cass flashing up on the screen as he took it out.

“Gotta take this sorry”

Sean nodded in understanding he sat up twisting onto his hands and knees and crawling to the edge of the car bed swinging his feet off the edge when he reached it grabbing the empty pizza box to go and throw it into the bin while Finn took his call.

“Hey Cass you coming out later?”

“Depends you gonna get me?”

“I gotta drop Sean home, where are you?”

“OOOH you got a Sean tell me more player.”

“Heh not like that Cass I mean I wish but he’s not interested in me”

Finn went to twist a ring that wasn’t there, he did the same going to hold his lip ring between his teeth and suck on it only to find it gone, fuck work sucked for this reason alone, he reached up and stroked his ear lobe between his finger and thumb idly instead.

“This Spanish class kid you’ve been on about for the last month?”

“Yeah but he don’t know that so keep quiet”

“Fine, fine lips are zipped dude, you still at work?”

“Yeah was just leaving”

“Wait there 10 minutes max I’ll be there soon, I got Butch with me there gonna be space for him? Last time I put him in the car bed I had to retune him”

“Cass it’s just a guitar”

He heard a derisive snort and mock offense that was more sincere than he thought she meant for it to be when she said.

“Say that again Finn”

He watched Sean making his way back to the car sans pizza box.

“I gotta go sis see ya soon, I’ll clear out the car just for your man”

He laughed as he hung up the call again regretting not emptying out the car like he had been planning to, yesterday got away from him and he was hoping to do it tonight when he got home but that wasn’t happening now. Sean got back to the truck as he pushed his phone back in his pocket.

“You picking up people?”

Sean asked softly almost as if he didn’t want to know the answer the small pout, he wore made it seem like he was looking forward to having Finn to himself for a bit longer, Finn felt himself get butterflies at that.

“Jus my friend and her guitar she brings it everywhere, I gotta clean the car before she gets here… sorry”

“Want a hand? Least I can do for all of your running me around”

“Sweetheart you are the man fuckin a”

He wanted to stand up and kiss Sean’s cheek as a way of saying thanks but again thought better of it he climbed off the truck and gave him a one armed hug instead slinging his arm around his shoulder and squeezing the opposite one slightly, Sean jumped at the sudden touch then leant into it the sigh he let out was barely audible but Finn heard it regardless, the butterflies in his stomach flapped their wings with fervour, if they were real the sound would be deafening.

Reluctantly he let go and went to the side of the car opening up the door, he thought there might still be a roll of bin bags somewhere on the floor if not they’d have to carry stuff to the bin and do trips, he bent over fingers brushing over the carpet of the car trying to find them he let out a triumphant “Tada” when he felt it rolling them into his reach. He stood back up bin bags in hand he tore one off and turned to hand it to Sean.

“Thanks again man you didn’t have to help”

“No need to thank me so what did you want to tell me?”

“Oh, heh weren't nothing important you asked why I hadn’t slept. Jus family crap.”

He grabbed up empty pizza boxes and soda cans throwing them into the bin bag at his side, Sean had walked around to the opposite side of the car and was currently bent over picking up items from the floor and throwing them into his bin bag he lifted his head up to look at Finn who was standing he had to look down to see his face fully. Sean was frowning a little bit.

“Come on I told you all about my dead-beat Karen it’s your turn to spill now”

Finn laughed a little Sean did have a point there.

“Ok your right fair is fair. So my Momma wants me to see my Dad in prison since he’s not getting out any time soon you know review went shit and stuff yesterday she really thought he’d be coming back had a welcome home party set up an everything then she called me letting me know the good news fuckers ass gets to stay rotting in jail like he deserves but she was upset about it an we argued”

Sean had already finished in the back and was working on the front of the car he’d just emptied the ashtray and was putting it back when he stopped his cleaning long enough to ask.

“Is that why you seemed down yesterday?”

“Shit sweetie I hoped you hadn’t notice didn’t want to bum you out, but… yeah… it was and it just got worse when my family left”

Finn scooped more rubbish into the bin and tied it closed there was a dumpster nearby that they walked to together.

“Lily ugh that’s my Momma she came down to my basement”

Sean didn’t say anything about how cool having his own space must be just listened while he continued.

“She practically begged me to go and see him tried to convince me that he wasn’t really a bad guy despite all the shit he put us through as kids, I told her stuff I’d never told her before heh I thought she might finally take my side if she knew but it didn’t work fucking bullshit man.”

He tossed open the lid of the dumpster with a force that showed the simmering rage he was trying to keep under wraps the bin bag got unceremoniously dumped into it he took Sean’s one and did the same closing the lid with a slam that reverberated around the quiet car park.

“So, I kicked her out and spent the night getting drunk and high passed out sometime and woke up with a wicked hangover”

Sean gave him an awkward double fist bump that somehow turned into his hands sliding up his arms and gripping his elbows in a way that should have been odd and weird but that he found strangely comforting. 

“How did it turn out in the end?”

“I guess I won, not that it felt like a win, I don’t have to see him anymore but I know I hurt my Mommas feelings and things are gonna be awkward at home for a little while, s’why I got Cass comin out and I’m really looking forward to hanging at yours tomorrow”

They walked back to the car together in relative silence Finn pretended not to notice the smile that Sean flashed briefly at the mention of hanging out the next day. They got in the car and waited for Cass to arrive.

“Thanks for opening up to me by the way it means a lot.”

“You to Sean…you’re jus… real easy to talk to”

Finn reached out to grab his knee but halted the gesture half way and opened the glove box instead pretending that was what he had planned to do all along.

Sean wanted to say so much more than he had, he wanted to tell Finn that he’d never told anyone other than therapists about what Karen had done to them, how much it still hurt even 8 years later, that he was still terrified of people walking out of his life how he checked at least 3 times that he had his keys when he left the house because he never wanted to be locked out and waiting again, it was crazy how close he was already feeling towards him.

When he reached out towards him, he expected gentle fingers to stroke his thigh but they just gripped on to the glovebox handle and opened it he tried not to be disappointed. Finn reached inside and grabbed out a CD Rage Against The Machine it was heavier than what Sean listened to but he got the feeling that Finn needed something to tunnel his frustration into and if that meant singing along to something angry then so be it.

Sean jumped when the back door opened suddenly, and a female voice spoke up.

“Holy shit you actually cleaned Finn”

“Ah Said I would”

“Yeah but you always say that an never do.”

“Shut up Cass... but you got a point”

“Don’t I know it”

She crawled into the middle of the car and stuck her head between the two front seats.

“And you must be Sean?”

“Yeah that’s me”

Cass had plum coloured hair styled into a mullet with braids running down the back of it, she had bright purple plugs in her ears and she was in a tank top depicting a guitar surrounded by hellfire it left her arms bare showing off numerous tattoos even more than Finn had. He wondered how she wasn’t cold with the chill in the air.

“How’d he convince you to clean?”

“Oh, I offered”

“Damn Finn hold onta this one”

She teased them both before pushing back into her seat grabbing a seat belt and strapping it in place she stayed in the middle seat with her guitar to the left of her Sean watched as she strapped it in despite it already being in a case, _it must mean a lot to her_.

“How much you make today Cass?”

Finn spoke up Sean wondered what her job was.

“Made bout 200, been really busy but I’ll make rent easy this month”

Sean was curious why she was renting; did she pay her parents rent or was she living on her own she didn’t look that much older than him even with the plugs and tattoos. Before he could think better of it, he was already asking.

“What do you work as?”

“I teach guitar, do some small gigs and I busk, did a bit of all of them today. Big money comes from the lessons though”

She reached into a back pocket and pulled out a business card handing it to him it was more professional looking than he had been expecting and he tried to remind himself not to judge a book by its cover. The card had Cassidy Jones guitarist and singer printed on it, along with contact details and the same print that was on her tank top.

“If you know anyone interested send em my way”

She leant back in her seat as Finn started the engine the music starting up with it, Finn was already drumming his fingers against the wheel in time with the beat the first line started up and he was belting it out slightly bobbing his head in time, Sean was only a little nervous about how he drove like that, Cass seemed unaffected though just lounging in the back seat she raised her voice slightly to talk to Sean over Finn’s singing and the music playing.

“So, what’s Mr Track Star doing hanging with this depraved punk?”

She giggled poking Finn in the shoulder he shrugged off the gesture as if it never even happened.

“Spanish lessons, starting tomorrow”

Cass made a face that he couldn’t quite read she was about to say something else when Finn interrupted

“Aww that all this is Sweetheart?”

“Nah dude, you’re fun to chill with”

“Damn right he is why do you think he’s my bestie”

“You mean besides all the times I helped with rent or gave you weed for free?”

“Yeah besides that”

They both laughed their friendship reminded him of how him and Lyla were with each other easy camaraderie built over years spent together.

“You know each other long?”

“Fuck it’s almost 3 years now but it feels like forever right Finn?”

“Pretty much yeah seems like I’ve known ya long as I can remember”

“How’d you too meet?”

“Not my story to tell Sean”

“Ask me another time Track Star. Finn pass me a light I need a smoke?”

“Sure, thing doll”

The car was old enough that it still had a push lighter Sean was surprised it still worked though when Finn pressed it in he could hear the soft crackle of it sparking into life smell that almost acrid scent of metal getting red hot Cass had a cigarette held between her lips Finn reached back and lit it never taking his eyes off of the road and somehow managing to not burn her, the gesture seemed second nature to him, she dragged on it and the lighter hissed. He put the lighter back into the slot it came from.

The drive back was silent again other than the CD and Finns singing along to it him and Cass didn’t say anything to each other and he hoped that he hadn’t offended her by prying he guessed that they were fine though when she offered him a drag, he was about to accept it when he realised it was a joint he still had to call Karen later and he wasn’t looking forward to it normally he’d say no but today he was feeling rebellious he took it and inhaled, opening the window at the same time not wanting to hot box Finn.

Smoke and citrus touched his tongue and he didn’t even care that he’d be home soon and having to change quickly to get rid of the smell one toke and he could already feel his troubles melting away, he was looking forward to meeting more of Finns friends his cool, calm confidence made him want to be bold and daring not his usual shy self, he was certain that Finn would realise how lame he really was and get fed up of hanging with him fairly quickly but he hoped he’d be proven wrong.

All too shortly they were parking up outside his house, he didn’t want to step out of that car and back into the real world, he was finding these hours with Finn made him find peace and a sense of belonging that he’d never experienced before like he didn’t have to pretend, he was just Sean and that was enough. He opened the door and left the car regretting instantly that he had to go, homelife meant chores, babysitting Daniel, calls with Karen, studying and a dozen other little things he didn’t want to face right now.

“Thanks for the pizza Sean next ones on me”

“Yeah thanks for...”

He wanted to say for everything, for listening to me, for being a friend, he didn’t say any of them settling on.

“The ride. Nice meeting you Cass”

“You too Sean”

She got out and took his now empty seat flashing him a smile showing crooked teeth as she waved goodbye they drove off. Sean walked into the house, he could hear Daniel and Lyla talking in his bedroom he completely forgot she was babysitting today, he walked straight to the shower still mellow and slightly giddy from the weed he stripped and showered, he sat on his bed wrapped in a towel putting off getting dressed when he finally did he started psyching himself up for the call he didn’t want to make.

Finn hadn’t even made it off of Sean’s street before Cassidy was teasing him.

“Ya really like him don’t ya?”

“Yeah, I do.”

He sounded wistful almost like he didn’t want it to be true then he added curiously.

“What gave me a way?”

“Well other than calling him sweetheart?”

“Oh come on I call other people Sweetheart”

“Yeah sarcastically, not like that”

“Ok ok you got me there, what else?”

“You sang along to the CD, ya only sing when you’re comfortable with someone or they aren’t listening to you”

“What no I don’t”

“Yehuh you do, I didn’t hear you sing until I was playing something and you joined in”

“Ok maybe I do but he was singing yesterday and I joined in then so that doesn’t really count does it?” 

“Totally counts bro. So, what’s going on at home that you wanted me over?” 

He repeated the events of last night for the 3rd time today.

“So ya gonna stay the night?”

“Hell, yeah beats cooking and saves me some cash”

“You sure you’re good for rent?”

“Yeah, got a lot of new students at the moment and a few gigs coming up around Halloween, I’ll be alright honest”

Her words and the sincerity behind them managed to dissuade some of his nerves but when it came to Cass, he would always worry about her she’d already been through so much he didn’t blame her for not wanting to tell Sean her story.

Cassidy or Lucy if you were lucky enough to know her legal name not that you were allowed to know it, he’d only found out once when she’d gotten carded getting a tattoo with him, he stupidly commented on it.

“Oh, I never knew your name was Lucy”

The look she had shot him was both icy and hurt and when she spoke it was full of barely supressed rage.

“You never call me that again ever or we are through, I mean it Finn you’ll never see me again.”

She looked at him with eyes wide and pleading.

“Promise me”

“Yeah Cass I promise m’sorry didn’t mean to upset you”

He’d later find out why that name was less than dead to her, they never even got their tattoos done that day despite being old enough to she’d taken her card got up and left the building he followed suit seconds later apologising to the store receptionist. He’d found her leaning against his truck cigarette in hand eyes down turned when he got closer, he saw the silent tears that rolled down her cheeks and how she was trembling.

“Cass what’s wrong do you want to talk about it?”

“No, yeah I dunno, can we just go?”

He didn’t ask again just unlocked the car and got inside she did the same, he didn’t ask anything more about it if she wanted to open up he’d give her the time she needed.

“I aint heard that name in over 2 years sorry brings up a lot of bad shit.”

“Shit like my Dad?”

He offered it as a way of saying I know; I get it too.

“Yeah, kinda, I ran away from home at 14, I was seeing this guy Kyle, he was great treated me real nice, I brought him home to meet the folks and well dear old Daddy didn’t exactly like the idea of his lil princess hanging around with a black boy not that he said it as nicely as that, the fact that he was methed out of his mind didn’t make a difference racist bastard woulda said the same thing sober.”

“Shit Cassidy that’s so fucked.”

“You don’t gotta tell me twice it gets even worse, Kyle got his ass handed to him honestly I thought they were gonna kill him but they stopped when I begged and pleaded this skinny 14 year old girl trying to pull her big Brother and Father off of my boyfriend my Brother well he threatened to shoot me if I ever came home with him again and my Mom she just said jack shit about anything. I packed my bags and left that night I asked Kyle to come with me but he had a family that loved him and he was too injured anyway, I’ve never been back never gonna either”

“Fuck Cassidy I had no idea, did they ever come looking for you?”

“I never stayed in one place long enough for them to find me. I just got emancipated though Happy 16th to me I guess, so if they do find me, they can’t do anything about it”

“That’s great, why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”

“I uh I never had a cause to celebrate before…too many memories”

“Let’s do something for it now”

“Yeah that’d be great”

Finn had bought her a case and strings for Butch and taken to calling her Sis ever since then, some sort of kindred connection being born that day. He’d convinced her to stay in school here, now that she didn’t have to run anymore it took less convincing than he had expected, almost 2 years on and she was still here.

“Finn, Finn are you even listening to me?”

Her voice sounded far away as he was drawn out of his memories

“Shit sorry I got lost down memory lane there. Thanks sis, did I ever tell you how much I love you?”

“Not today you haven’t”

She punched his arm hard enough for him to turn the wheel slightly from the impact but he corrected it easily enough.

“What brought that on you’re not normally that mushy for no reason.”

“I was just thinking about that day you know the one”

“Yeah I know the one. That was the first time I’d told someone that, felt like I finally had a family again just you and me against the world.”

He took a handoff the wheel to squeeze hers affectionately.

“Always Sis, nothings gonna break us up”

The rest of the drive home was spent singing along to the CD, when he pulled up to the house Lily’s familiar old car sat in the driveway, he parked alongside it.

“Go on in Cass I’ll just be a moment”

“Still avoiding your Mom?”

“Only a little bit, tell her I was listening till a song ends or something would you?”

“You got it”

Cass left the car and Finn pulled out his phone and grabbed a pre rolled joint from the pouch in the glovebox he lit up and inhaled waiting for the familiar calm to settle over him, he ran his fingers through his blue hair ruffling it slightly and flicking it in front of his face till it covered part of his glasses.

He unlocked the phone and went straight to Sean’s number saved as Sean🍬💖 he tapped the name ready to text him.

_Had a great time hanging with you today._

He didn’t wait for a reply before adding.

 _Looking forward to tomorrow_ 🤓 _xx_

He turned off the engine when the song ended, he smoked the rest of his joint, locked up the car and went into the house, his plan for the evening was to hang with Cass, probably listen to music, watch film, game or jam together, till they got hungry later and eat with Lily and text Sean for a while if he got back to him. 

Sean sat at his desk Karen staring at him behind the laptop screen talking about book sales, nominations awards, signings the next destination on her book tour anything to do with herself and nothing to do with him, he listened along nodding or giving a response when it was expected of him, he wished he’d had more of Cass’s joint his buzz was already gone by the time he’d showered, dried and changed out of his work clothes now he was talking to his Mom more listening to her talk than him actually contributing anything to the conversation it was more a monologue at this point.

He wanted to take out his phone, or draw on something but she’d get mad say he was ignoring her during their weekly bonding time he would rather a monthly call he might actually look forward to it then, as it was once a week was too much and they both knew it, she didn’t want to talk to Sean and he didn’t want to talk to her either. S

he wanted someone to listen to her venting and talking about how her life was going all while never asking him about himself it wasn’t so bad with Daniel, she seemed interested in hearing about him and that difference hurt, he didn’t like how jealous he was of their bond, Daniel was the do over kid and everybody knew it. Sean sometimes wondered if he’d brought it on himself with his quiet acceptance of the fact too nice for his own good, he’d heard Lyla say it to him more than once and sadly she wasn’t wrong.

His phone went off, he was going to leave it then it went off again curiosity got the better of him, he fished it out of the track pants he’d thrown on earlier he was wearing a baggy Misty Mice t-shirt he’d bought at the concert he’d gone to for Lyla’s birthday. He didn’t say anything when he pressed the button on the side of the phone and typed in his pin 1508 Karen was still talking, she probably hadn’t even noticed he’d taken it out yet, 2 New Messages displayed on the screen he opened the first one smiling at Finn’s name and what he’d written.

“That’s the first time I’ve seen you smile this whole time, who is it?”

“Oh, it’s just Lyla”

He lied, not wanting to tell her about Finn even if she knew he was Bi this was new and scary and he wasn’t ready. Lyla was somewhere in the house, she hated Karen and wouldn’t come in till he was finished his call with her, he’d go and get her afterwards though, Esteban was back from the garage by now but she hadn’t left yet.

“I gotta text her back though sorry”

“Yeah I should probably talk to Daniel anyway”

She said it with an eagerness and smile she never got about his calls

“See ya Karen”

He watched her mouth down turn ready to correct him and say Mom but she shook her head almost imperceptibly so and dropped the issue before it arose.

“I love you Sean”

“You too”

It was the closest he could bring himself to saying it out loud even after 8 years she’d been gone half of his life, he still wrote it in cards at his Dad’s insistence, he hung up the call, and looked at the phone in his hands with a smile, he went to text back but nerves came over him almost immediately.

He got up and walked over to Daniels room ready to knock on the door for Lyla but she was already lying on the sofa in the living room, Karen must have already called Daniel, he tried not to think about how much that stung when she was always late for their calls.

He leant over the sofa arms resting on it folded underneath him, she spoke before he even had a chance to open his mouth.

“Hey man what’s up?”

“Finn texted me, what do I say?”

“Dunno what did he say?”

“Had a great time hanging with you today. Then he texted me again straight after with Looking forward to tomorrow a smiling face with glasses and two kisses”

“Wait hold up when did you even see him today?”

“I bumped into him at his work earlier then we had pizza and hung out at his car till his Sister showed then he drove me home, I ugh I think it was a date maybe I dunno man I’m a noob at all this stuff you know that, now come on tell me what to say Love Witch”

“Dude he likes you it couldn’t be more obvious are you blind or something?”

“Not last time I checked, did you know he wears glasses, shit he’s so hot Lyles”

He looked at his phone again and started typing out a message. Loved _No_ _no that’s too strong_ , Was awesome _yeah that’s better_ chilling with you 2 tomorrows gonna be gr8😄. He held the phone out to show Lyla, she sat up more, from where she was on the sofa to read it.

“How’s this?”

“Just send it already.”

“Not too thirsty?”

“Dude the guy is dying of thirst”

He sent the text and got a response almost straight back he smiled at Lyla happily, then typed out a quick reply before putting his phone back in his pocket again.

“You staying for dinner Dad’s making Tacos for dinner you know he always makes too much”

“Yeah you’re Dad is feeding me instead of paying me today, gives me a day away from the Momster, good meal and I get to hang with my favourite dudes, bonus”

“Cool I gotta talk to Papi for a while, stay outta trouble while I’m gone”

“What am I even gonna do?”

She flipped onto her stomach on the couch and opening up her phone as he walked down to the basement, he cast a glare in the direction of Karen’s stuff wondering for at least the hundredth time why it was still here. He flicked on the light before walking into the garage, Esteban never parker in here it was more for work than anything else he’d bring home projects from the main garage him and Sam ran together in order to put in more hours into them.

“Dad you in here?”

“Down here Mijo”

He called up from under the car he was fixing up for Sean’s graduation it had been set up down here for months, he didn’t mind it was nice having something he could work on slowly rather than meeting a client deadline.

“So Lyla’s staying over for dinner tonight?”

“Yeah figured you might like to chill with her today”

Neither of them needed to say why that might be the case, choosing to ignore the elephant in the room.

“Thanks Dad can you come out of there for a minute I need to talk to you”

“Yeah what’s wrong”

He came out from underneath the car leaning against it and wiping oil from his hands on to his mechanics jumpsuit.

 _I think a boy likes me and I really like him too but he’s got a really bad reputation and you won’t want me near him oh and we just met_ Yeah maybe not the best thing to talk to your Dad about, even if he’s open minded and accepting.

“Can I change my call schedule with Karen?”

It wasn’t a lie he had been needing to talk about it with him for far too long.

“Why?”

Esteban tried not to judge the question but he crossed his arms nonetheless, his posture becoming more rigid.

“A, uh every week it’s uh too much”

He looked at his feet, his hands shoved in his pocket’s fingers drumming his thighs nervously, he wasn’t exactly sure how he was meant to tell his Dad that he didn’t want to talk to his Mother weekly and that he knew the feeling was mutual or that it hurt seeing how disinterested she was in him compared to how much she enjoyed spending time with Daniel.

“Do you want to talk about it?... You don’t have too.”

He walked around to sit down on the hood of the car, his Dad stood close by leaning against the driver’s side door. Off with the Band-Aid it’d help convince his Dad to take his side but it wasn’t going to be easy.

“It’s hard for me to say this, an and don’t get mad, but she just doesn’t care about me... not the same way as she does about Daniel.”

Esteban remained silent but gave a nod to indicate he wanted him to continue.

“She texted me earlier just to go check what shops had her book in stock, I had work today, a full week of school, track, pre midterm exams, and she didn’t ask about any of it, just wanted me to do something she could have called her agent, publisher, assistant or whoever to deal with for her.”

Anger was beginning to creep into his voice mixed in alongside sadness.

“Dad I checked every shop not even a thank you, I, I thought maybe she’d finally write a dedication for me after everything that I did this year, I made head of the track team, got a job, I’m doing better in school.”

He took in a steadying breath, not trusting his voice not to crack.

“Coming out it, it wasn’t easy and she didn’t write anything about me not one single line, I thought maybe she’d has set aside a signed copy with I’m proud of you written inside, but even that was too much for her to bother doing, it’s… it’s like she doesn’t even want the world to know we exist and that… fuck it really hurts.”

Sean stopped talking he knew if he said anymore he would end up spilling wet angry tears, he didn’t want his Dad to really see just how much this was bothering him, he almost never cried, not from real life things, he cried from films sometimes or from laughing too much but not from problems getting to him, he bottled those up even though every therapist he’d ever seen had told him it was unhealthy.

Last time he cried properly was when he broke his leg at 13 and of course she hadn’t been there then either she was sipping champagne and having steaks in the Eiffel Tower of whatever rich successful selfish people who’ve forgotten their families do, no it had been Lyla that ran in to get Dad who came running out and scooped him off of the ground by the tree he’d fallen from, picked him up held him to his chest brushed his hair out of his eyes wiped the tears from his cheeks gently laid him on the back seat of the car with his leg outstretched, gone back in long enough to get Lyla and Daniel drop them to her parents' house and drove him to the hospital, going slowly over every bump in the road reaching back and holding his hand when he whimpered in pain, took him for burgers and milkshakes just them, decorated his crutches in Wolf stickers, signed his cast. What did Karen do one Get Well card not even Get Well Soon, he always suspected it was written by an assistant.

Esteban moved closer and placed a gentle hand atop Sean’s shoulder he fought the urge to shrug it off, cross his arms and act like none of this was bothering him, he knew his Dad could see straight through the act so he didn’t attempt to pretend, he got a small smile in response to it, he tried to smile back but he knew it was sadder than he had hoped for with how Esteban’s own smile fell in response.

“I’ll call her and the lawyers Monday, try and rearrange the calls make them less often.”

Sean wasn’t actually sure what outcome he had been expecting but it wasn’t that, he thought at best he’d get a “no es posible hijo” or at worse a lecture about how she’s his Mother and he went to all of the trouble of finding her and making her stay present in their lives when she didn’t want to be. Esteban’s easy acceptance and understanding shouldn’t come as a shock to him not really but it still did, He was a good Dad but he took Daniels side more often than Sean’s or in the past he’d sided with Karen instead of him, but that wasn’t happening as much anymore Sean was older now and really trying his best with school and work maybe his Dad respected that in a way.

“Ok Seanie boy no more sad talk your friend still coming out tomorrow?”

“Yeah, he’ll be here around 3ish, you still cooking?”

“You help me make the dinner tonight and I’ll make Spaghetti Bolognaise for tomorrow”

“Sure, I won’t eat till later though”

“Everything alright you’re not sick, are you?”

Esteban took his hand from Sean’s shoulder and rested the back of his palm against his forehead checking his temperature.

“No no, I’m fine really, I just ate already”

“Was that why you were late home?”

“That and all the running around for Karen”

They walked upstairs and started working on the dinner about 10 minutes later Lyla spoke up from where she was flopped on the couch.

“Sooo did he text you back yet?”

Of course, Daniel chose just that moment to run into to the room, hearing Lyla’s voice was like a beacon to summon him, maybe he’d finished with Karen already and was bored.

“Oooh has Sean got a boooyfriend?”

He teased, Sean felt himself get flushed a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment happening all at once.

“Yes” “No”

Him and Lyla spoke in unison he held a hand up to his face hiding his blush temporarily stopping his work preparing veg for dinner. He waited for someone to say something else Esteban had asked just that morning if he was dating Finn now Lyla was calling him his boyfriend, he’d just met him and yeah, he liked him ok he really fucking liked him but it was way too soon for anything more. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and quickly texted Lyla.

_I really **DON’T** want to talk about it right now_

He heard her get the message and blissfully she changed the subject, he noticed he had several messages from Finn and he wanted to open up each of them read and reply but he’d be in trouble for not helping when he said he would, he finished up quickly going to his room with Lyla immediately afterwards, Daniel protesting the whole time that he wanted to hang out with her too, Esteban came to the rescue, saying he’d had Lyla all day and to let Sean spend time with his best friend that didn’t work straight away so he got Daniel to help with the dinner grating cheese for the Tacos.

Sean laid back on his bed while Lyla sat cross legged at the end of his bed. He talked with her about Finn and why he didn’t want to discuss it with his family yet, how they wouldn’t understand him, or judge him based on his past without ever really knowing him. Then he told her all about his Mom she was probably angrier at her than even he was, she still held on to that particular grudge fiercely, he admired her protectiveness.

He was texting back and forth with Finn the entire time that they were talking, every time his phone made a noise he’d smile at it and send a message back to him immediately, he sent a selfie of him and Lyla together and got one of Finn and Cass back in response, he wasn’t supposed to use his phone at dinner but he risked it Esteban was lenient after the day he had, they were still texting when Lyla went home hours later and up until Sean went to bed, later than normal for him he was practically falling asleep still clutching his phone lying in bed, his messages having more and more typos.

Neither of them knowing how the other really felt, both of them excitedly awaiting seeing each other again tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to change this from a series with parts to a fic with chapters since it reads much better that way, sorry for any confusion and the lost of your comments and kudos.


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